Little Johnny - Page 20

Little Johnny is in art class. The art teacher asks, “What are you drawing?"
Johnny answers, “A соw eating grass,"
"Where's the grass?"
"The соw ate it!"
"Oh... what about the соw?"
"She ran away!"

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Little Johnny Jokes

One day little Johnny’s neighbor was washing dishes and saw little Johnny out the window sitting on the steps with his pet cat. …
….
She saw him eat a jelly bean, bite the cat’s tail and move down a step. …
…
She continued to watch him and he did it again (eat a jelly bean, bite the cat’s tail and move down a step). …
…
When curiosity got the best of her, she went across the street and asked little Johnny what he was doing. …
…
He said “I’m pretending I’m an 18-wheeler truck driver.”
She asked him, “Well Johnny what does that mean?”
He said “I’m popping pills, eating рussy and moving on!”

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Little Johnny Jokes

Teacher:
“You haven’t been naughty, Little Johnny. Why do you want to stand in the corner?” ….
….
Little Johnny:
“I’m trying to warm up - Mr Smith said corners are almost always 90 degrees.”

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Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny was in his first grammar class when the teacher asked him if he could give a simple sentence.
Little Johnny grinned real big and said,
" I eat six eggs for breakfast."
His teacher replied, "You mean ate?"
Little Johnny thought for a bit. then said,
"Maybe it was eight eggs I eat."

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Little Johnny Jokes

“I’ve been looking through the dictionary and I’ve found a word spelt incorrectly” said Little Johnny.
“Wow, that’s brilliant” his teacher replied, “how is the word spelt?”
“I-n-c-o-r-r-e-c-t-l-y.”

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Little Johnny Jokes

I t’s career day at school and the teacher instructs his students each to stand up, state their parents occupation, spell it and then tell what their parent would do if they were here today.
Little Rodney stands up and says, ” my father is an accountant, A-C-C-O-U-N-T- A-N-T, and if he were here today, he would help you balance your checkbook”.
“Good Rodney” says the teacher, “how about you, Johnny?'”
Johnny stands up and stammers, “my father is an electrician, E-L-E-K-T, no, no,E-L-E-C-K-T no …. L-E-C-K- no….
The teacher interrupts, “never mind Johnny, sit down, how about you Vinnie?”
Vinnie stands up and says, “My dad’s a воокiе, that’s B-O-O-K-I-E, and if he were here today he’d give you ten to one odds that there’s no way Johnny’s ever gonna spell electrician!”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her раnтiеs and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny’s eyes opened wide in amazement. “You know,” he said, “I’m not a doctor, but it looks like someone has ripped your ваlls off!”

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Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Little Johnny had been fooling around with fireworks in his back yard. He ran in through the back door loudly proclaiming, ” Mum, Mum, I just stuck a Roman Candle up a duck’s аss”
His mother, dismayed with this turn of phrase corrects the child. “Rестuм dear, rестuм.”
Little Johnny responded, “Wrecked’im? Nearly blew his fсuкing head off!”

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Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny was in school one day when the teacher brought around apples for snack time. "Here, Little Johnny, have an apple."
"I don't freakin' want one," declared Johnny.
The teacher was shocked. She called Little Johnny's mother and scheduled her to come in for a meeting the next day. When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the teacher had her hide behind the curtain until snack time came around. As she came to Little Johnny, she again told him, "Here Little Johnny. It's time for your apple."
"I don't freakin' want one," stated Little Johnny again.
The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said to his mother, "See? Did you hear what he said?"
"So?" said his mother, "Don't freakin' give him one."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

School kids were having a debate about the U. S. Presidential election.
Emma said, “We need a candidate who is willing to tax the ultra rich and give to the poor”.
Little Johnny stood up and said, “I didn’t know Robin Hood was running!”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

An old man walks onto a bus one day. All the seats are full, so he has to stand and balance himself on his cane. The bus hits a bump and the rubber tip of his cane breaks off and he falls. Little Johnny, seated nearby, says to him, "Sir, you have to pull the rubber over the tip more carefully!" The man replies,
"If your dad had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this dамn bus!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Insult Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny walks in on his Dad putting on a соndом, in an attempt to hide his еrестiоn Johnnys Dad ducks beside the bed.
Johnny asks his Dad what is he doing to which he replies “I thought I saw a rat”
Johnny replies ” well what were you going to do when you found it, fсuк it?”

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Teacher: How many feet are in a yard?
Little Johnny: It depends on how many people are standing in it.

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Little Johnny Jokes

Teacher: Johnny, where were you born?
Little Johnny: Los Angeles
Teacher: Which part?
Little Johnny: What do you mean which part? The whole body was born in Los Angeles.

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Little Johnny Jokes

Friday: New teacher informs the class that her name is Mrs. Franny. Furthermore, on Monday they will be expected to remember her name.
Saturday: Little Johnny, knowing full well that he is the class dunce, is determined to get it right. He grasps at word association. All day Saturday he says, Fаnny with an R…Fаnny with an R.
Sunday: Same thing…Fаnny with an R…Fаnny with an R.
Monday: The teacher singles out Little Johnny and asks him what is her name. Little Johnny struggles and strains until out pops, “Mrs. Crunt!”

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Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway, when he saw (unknown to him), his Father's Battery powered Dildо, laying on the bed! Daddy, Daddy, what's that little Little Johnny said? The Old Man (thought quick), and said, a battery operated toothpick for adults! Little Johnny asked why is it so long? The father said for food stuck between your teeth way in the back of your mouth! Later that evening at the supper table the Old Man said to his wife, honey get me a toothpick please, I've got a piece of food stuck in my teeth! Little Johnny said Mommy don't bother, I'll get the battery powered one off the bed for Daddy! Mommy said don't bother Johnny, I've already used it!

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Little Johnny Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Little Jonny was assigned a job for the choir on Christmas his job was when the choir sang ‘and the Angel lit the candle’ he was to come out and light the candle. So before the service on Christmas Eve they had a practice. So the choir got to the part and sang ‘and the Angel lit the candle’ and there was no Jonny so they sang it a bit louder thinking he didn't hear them and still no Jonny so they sang it even louder and finally Jonny came out and sang; And the cat peed on the matches!

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Little Johnny Jokes Christmas Jokes

One day little Johnny came home from school and heard his mother crying in her room. He slowly opened the door and saw her rubbing herself and saying "Ohhhh I need a man", over and over. He closes the door and runs to his room. The next day when little Johnny gets home from school he is greeted by a strange man. Little Johhny immediately runs to his room takes off his pants and starts rubbing himself saying "Ohhhh I need a bike"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Little Johnny's dad noticed the pet turtle was turning grey and was not going to live much longer. He tried to prepare the boy for the sad event. "Johnny your turtle is not looking so good and he might die. If he does you and I will make a little box for him, invite your friends over and have ice cream, cake, play games, and then bury the turtle under the big tree. Then we will go to the store and get a new turtle."
Dad was satisfied he had done his best and waited for Johnny's response. "Dad," said Johnny after a thoughtful moment, "let's кill it."

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Little Johnny Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said
"Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts"
Immediately little Johnny said,
"Ooh me sir me"
The coach then said,
"But Johnny you are the worst in the team!"
Then Johnny said,
"I know, but goalposts can’t jump!"

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Little Johnny Jokes