Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

A widowed elderly lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, FL.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello sir, how are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered and again resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, and noticing that his book was about veterinary medicine, she persisted, "Do you like рussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to hers, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

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Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

One day a family is wondering what to cook for dinner.
They have many ideas but each idea doesn't sound good.
Eventually, they go to the living room to watch tv when all of a sudden a knock at the door.
The mother answers it and it's a nun saying she's going door to door giving out soup to families.
She takes the bag of soup and thanks to the nun.
They all go to the kitchen and grab a bowl and then pour the soup into bowls.
The father says "this soup stinks!"
The mother says "honey a nun brought it to us be grateful."
The father then tastes it and says "ew it tastes like shiт" and the mother say s "honey just keep eating."
After they finish they go to the living room and the news is on.
The reporter says "the man dressed as a nun delivering raw sewage door to door has been caught" they all puked.

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Food Jokes Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Vulgar jokes

Marraige is a 3-ring circus.
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

There was an old married couple who love each other very much.
But each morning as he was waking up the husband let out a huge nasty wet fаrт with his wife right in the bed next to him.
The wife always says "One day you're going to fаrт your guts out if you don't stop."
Then one day the wife snapped she won't take it anymore and she got up extra early when downstairs and got the guts out of a turkey and put it in the bed behind.
She went back downstairs to wait and then she heard the loud disgusting fаrт all the way down the stairs and then she hears nothing for a long while.
Just as she's about to go upstairs and check on her husband he comes stomping down the steps and he says "Honey you were right after I get my guts out but with the grace of God and these two fingers I managed to shove them back up there again."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Gross Jokes Old People Jokes Fart Jokes

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

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Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes

This Antarctican family decided to color eggs for Easter.
They agreed to dye them all white.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Easter Jokes

A new wife prepared to bake a ham to celebrate their first Easter together. She carefully cut off each end of the ham before placing it in the pan.

Her husband asked her why she did that and she replied, "I don't know, it's what my mother always did. But I can ask her."

She called Mom, who responded, "I always saw your Grandma do it, so I did the same."

They decided to check further, so the young woman called Grandma, who explained, "It was the only way I could get it to fit into my pan."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Easter Jokes

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes Wedding jokes Love Jokes

A man married an illiterate wife.
After two years of marriage, they gave birth to a son called EFe.
One day his mother asked him to read is multiplication table and he started immediately but when he reached 4multiply by 4 he mistakingly said 8 they mother angrily slapped him and told him the answer wasn't 8 but 44.
The boy cried and reported what happened to the father, the father took him back and angrily told the wife to tell him the correct answer and the woman hurriedly say 4mutiply by 4 is it not 44.
The man now calmed down and sai d u are Lucky that you got the answer if not I would have disgraced you here.
I hope they are all brilliant.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Communication Jokes

My boyfriend had a hard time telling his parents that he was gаy because he's from some Christian Right family out in Idaho, and they couldn't deal with any kind of sеxuаl issues at all. When he was 13, his mother caught him маsтurватing, and she freaked out. She smacked him so hard that she knocked him out of their pew.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Christian Jokes Masturbation jokes

A young lad is sitting at the table doing his homework.
Dad, he says, "What is the difference between 'potentially' & 'realistically'"?
Father scratches his сhin, inhales sharply and says,"That's a tough one; it's probably easier to demonstrate.
Go & ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for 1 million quid; then ask your sister the same question"
... 2 minutes later, the lad is back. "Dad, they both said for 1 million quid...? Definitely!"
Well son, says the old man, "There is your answer; potentially, we are sitting on 2 million quid; realistically, we are living with a pair of slags..!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Teacher:
"Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"
Student:
"A heart attack."

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes Math Jokes

A drunк man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: why is your face all вlооdy?
Husband: I was so drunк that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face!
Wife: idiот. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man was going to bed one night when his wife told him that he had left the light on in the shed.
She could see the light was on from the bedroom window.
As the man looked for himself he saw that there were people in the shed taking things.
The man phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in the area to help him at that time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.
He said "OK," hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back.
"Hello" he said, "I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed.
Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've shot them."
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works.
Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said:
"I thought you said that you shot Them!" The man replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Phone jokes

I just signed my fathers day gift with:
“From your favourite son”
I look forward to seeing which of us he thanks.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Make My Day Laughs

A gаy American was caught by his Filipino gаy husband cheating.
The American husband asked, "how did you find out?"
The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes American Jokes Cheating Jokes

My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, "Daddy, daddy, Philip just got taken by the current" and the dad says,
"Oh, forget that niggа."

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Black People Jokes

My wifes dancing is terrible, she has two left feet. I should never have married a woman from Chernobyl.

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Disability Jokes