Men jokes - Page 172

Man: Do you know C. P. R?
Woman: No why?
Man: Because you just took my breath away!

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I recently surveyed 100 men and a woman, asking them what they thought about equality.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

I was sharing with a friend my opinion that women should come with instructions.
She replied, "Why? It's not like men read the instructions anyway."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

What did jesus say when he made the first black man....
Aw i burnt one!!!

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

What do you call a thousand black men falling from the sky?
Night

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

- Ever wonder.
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- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
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- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
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- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
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- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
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- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
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- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
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- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid.
- Made with real lemons?
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- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
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- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
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- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
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- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
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- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why.
- Don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
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- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
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- If соn is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
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- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A man goes to his therapist to have a dream interpreted. He tells the doctor that he was dreaming of eating a big meal. A seven course meal. He started with the soup and was going to move onto the salad next.
As he finished his soup and put his spoon down the bowl refilled itself by magic. He again finished the soup and again the bowl refilled itself. Every time he finished the soup and tried to move onto the salad he could not. He asked his doctor what the hidden meaning was.
The doctor's reply, "It only proves that you cannot change courses in the middle of a dream."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Sтuрid, Trouble and Manners were out on the farm. When sтuрid and manners did not find trouble they split up. Sтuрid bumped into a police man. The man said "Are you sтuрid?!" Sтuрid replied "Yes I am" and scurried off. He met a тhug and the тhug said "What are you looking for?" Sтuрid replied "I am looking for trouble" and scurried off. He then filed a missing person's report and an officer asks him "Where is manners?" Sтuрid replies "Manners is outside"

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A manufacturer of electric light bulbs was talking to the owner of a theater. "I'd like to supply you with bulbs for your marquee," the manufacturer said,
"And it won't cost you a penny. It will enable me to realize a lifelong ambition."
"If I accept the free bulbs," the curious theater manager asked,
"Will you tell me about this ambition of yours?"
"Certainly," the man said. "It's just that I've always dreamed of seeing my lights up in names!"

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Men jokes

The boss hired a sеxy secretary, but 10 days later he committed suicide by jumping from his 27th floor office. ….
Police:
“Who was there at that time in the room?” ….
Secretary:
“I was there” ….
Police: What happened? Why did he commit suicide? ….
Secretary: He was a good man. One day he bought me a fur coat for $2,000,000.
Then he bought me a diamond necklace for $15,000,000, then he bought me a diamond ring for $5,o00,000.
Today he asked me to spend the night with him. I told him I charge just $ 500 a night!
Moral:
- ” Investments are subject to market risk, check the market rate before investing!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Secretary Jokes

Confucius says...
"Man who stands in front of car gets tired, man who stands behind car gets exhausted."

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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

Men don’t get lost; they discover alternative destinations.

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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

This poor man is facing surgery on both his feet because of severe wounds. The doctor has warned him that he cannot tell how bad the damage is until he gets him in the operating room and he has prepared the man for the worst.
After surgery, the man is slowly waking up and he sees the surgeon approaching his bed. The doc looks at him and says,
"I have good news news and I have bad news - which would you like first?"
The man nervously responds, "Give me the bad news first." The doc says,
"I had to take both your feet"
"Oh my, what could possibly be the good news?" says the man.
"The guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers!"

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News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Newsflash!!!
Police have arrested a man for selling pills that will give you eternal youth. Records show that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested.
The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

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News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

Rap music is violent, man. Rappers getting killed left and right: Tupac, Notorious B. I. G. What's going on, man? They're killing the best rappers. I got news for you -- Vanilla Ice is still alive. I got his beeper number. Come on, Ice Cube, let's form a lynch mob and get his аss!

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News and Politics Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

News: Tests find ’32 year old man killed wife before himself’
Thank God for these ‘tests’, because otherwise the police would have thought he killed himself first.

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News and Politics Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

The day after his wife disappeared, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced policemen. "We are sorry Mr. Smith, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the policemen.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Mr. Smith shouted.
The Policemen looked at each other. One said,
"We have some bad news, some good news, and
Some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Smith said,
"Give me the bad news first."
The Police said,
"I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning, we found your wife's body in the sea under the Third Mainland Bridge."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Smith swallowing hard, he asked,
"What's the good news?"
The policeman continued, "When we brought her out, she had five fishes and three tortoises clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr Smith demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The policeman said,
"We are going to bring her out again tomorrow."

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News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

I'm actually from the Caribbean island St. Lucia, and the thing is, growing up there, it was like all black people, man. I spent most of my life thinking that a racist was just a very fast person.

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Nationality Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A man went to get the results of his illness from the doctor..
“I’m afraid you have Yellow 42 - a disease so rare it doesn’t even have a proper name.
Bad news is.. you only have six months to live…”
The man goes home and tells his wife.
After the crying, she vows to spend more time together for the final few months together - starting tonight at the bingo hall.
So they both go down to Gala Bingo Hall. In the entrance way he puts a pound in the slot machine.. and wins £200.
He plays bingo and wins every line, corner and full house.
He then plays the national link and wins £20000.
Upon receiving the money the MC says “you must be the luckiest man alive.
You win £200, all the bingo money and £20k national.”
The man says “I have Yellow 42”
“Fuск me” says the MC, “you’ve won the frickin’ raffle as well”

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News and Politics Jokes Nationality Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Latin women will start moving 30 seconds before there's music. It's like a cat before an earthquake, man -- 'Hang on, there's music coming, I know there is, waiting a second -- there it is!'

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Jokes about Women Nationality Jokes Men jokes