Men jokes - Page 233

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again?
If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?.
Your father must be a thief, he stole the stars and put them in your eyes
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
- ” Do you belivev in love at first site, or do i need to walk by again?” Comback: I have an idea, walk by again and keep going!
Man: I’d like to call you. What’s your number? Woman: It’s in the phone book. Man: But I don’t know your name. Woman: That’s in the phone book too.
Man: So what do you do for a living? Woman: Im a female impersonator.
Man: Haven’t we met before? Woman: Perhaps, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

0 0

A man was caught speeding for the 7th time and a woman cop pulled him over and checked his record. She said,
"Sir, anything you say can and will be forced against you." and the man said,
"Воовs."

0 0

Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

0 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

A man sees a beautiful woman.
Approaching her, and in his coolest Barry White tone says:
" If good looks where a minute, you would be an hour"
The woman looks deep into the man's eyes and in her sexiest voice replies:
"If good looks were within your reach, you wouldn’t have any arms."

0 0

Jokes about Women Men jokes

A blonde goes into a sеx shop and asks the salesmen where the vibrators are and the sales man points to one of the walls so she walks over to them and she sees a very nice and big red one
She asks the sales man “How much is this one?”
He replies “It’s not for sale luv its a fire extinguisher”

0 0

Blonde Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

0 0

Kids Jokes Men jokes

Take five female pigs, and put them with five male deer.
You would have ten sows and bucks!

0 0

Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes

I cut off He-Man’s electricity today.
Now I have the power.

0 0

Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A vacationer telephones a seaside hotel to ask where it was. “It’s only a stone’s throw from the beach,” he was told. “How will I recognize it?” asked the man.
“It’s the one with all the broken windows.” Came the reply.

0 0

Men jokes Hotel Jokes

A man purchased a brand new $350,000.00 Lamborghini sports car. He took it out on the expressway to see just how fast his car would travel. The man accelerated past 100 mph and then an old man on a moped passed him up like he was standing still.
The man in the sports car was amazed at the feat and accelerated so quickly he passed the old man on his moped like he was standing still too. Then as quickly as the man in his sports car passed the old man on his moped, the old man passed him up again just as quickly. The man in the sports car felt so intimidated that he accelerated as fast as he could and passed up the old man on the moped again. The old man on his moped once again passed up the sports car.
Finally the man in his sports car could not believe his eyes, so he got past the old man on the moped and pulled over to the side of the expressway. The old man on the moped pulled over too. The man in the sports car got out and ran over to the old man on the moped and asked,
"How in the world could you get that moped to go nearly as fast as my new $350,000.00 sports car?"
The old man on the moped was huffing and puffing and trying to catch his breath. He looked up and said,
"Mister, I'm so glad you pulled over because for the last 10 minutes my suspenders have been hooked on to the rear of your bumper!"

0 0

Sports Jokes Men jokes

A man walks into a bar and see's a big line up in front of a horse. Beside the horse is a big barrel of money.
The man walks to the back of the line and asks the last person.. 'whats with the horse and the line?'
Person:
'well, if you can make the horse laugh you win the money'
So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse laugh. When it finally reaches his turn he miraculously makes the horse laugh thus winning the barrel of money.
The same man walks into the same bar a week later and notices that there is another large line up in front of the same horse and another barrel of money next to it.
The man goes to the last person in line and asks 'so you have to make the horse laugh again?'
Person:
'Nope.. now you have to make him cry'
So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse cry. Finally when the man's turn comes up he manages to make the horse cry and wins another barrel of money.
The man then proceeds to order a round of drinks to celebrate his achievement. The bartender then asks 'so.. how did you do it?'
Man:
'do what?'
Bartender:
'how did you make the horse laugh and cry like that?'
Man:
'well.. to make the horse laugh... i told him my соск was вiggеr than his.. to make him cry.. i showed him it'.

0 0

Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Humpty Dumpty f*cked a fат whоrе, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor, all the kings horses and all the kings men, laid the b*tch down and f*cked her again.

0 0

Dirty jokes Men jokes Fat Jokes

A young man just had his first customer, which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver. The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked; can I take your order sir? The truck driver replied, sure kid I want three flat tires and two headlights. The young man was very puzzled and said, I beg your pardon? The truck driver said again, look kid; I want three flat tires and two headlights. The young man was still puzzled, but replied; yes sir, whatever. The young man then took the request to his boss who was the head cook. He told him about the truck driver's order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights, “I think he's in the wrong place.” The head cook said, I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up; the truck driver is just trying to be smart, I know him. The cook said to the waiter here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this. The truck driver said, Listen kid, I didn't order this; I said I wanted three flat tires and two headlights. The waiter replied, Well sir, the head cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up!

0 0

Kids Jokes Men jokes

It's never sincere. There's always like a sarcastic subtext to it, you know? Like, what he's really saying is, 'What do you need, man who I would never in life consider having as a swim buddy?'
'What'll it be, guy who's probably terrible at every sport?'
'Can I help you, fella who's destined to spend the rest of his life drinking cheap whiskey, wearing a ratty blanket and hoping that someday the ghost dance will rise again like a native American Indian chief?'

0 0

Sports Jokes Insult Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Say, Joe,” a man said to his friend, “how do you like your new job?”
“It’s the worst job I have ever had.” “How long have you been there?” asked his buddy.
“About three months.” Said Joe. “Why don’t you quit?” said his friend.
“No way. This is the fist time in 25 years that I have looked forward to going home after work.’

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A passenger was having difficulty lugging his oversized travel bag onto the plain. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.
“Do you always carry such heavy luggage? She asked, winded. “Never again!” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my friend can buy the ticket!"

0 0

Men jokes Friendship Jokes Aviation Jokes

Three old couples were having tea one fine day. There were all chatting and whatnot when one of the men, trying to get a chuckle, said to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey!” Getting the chuckle he expected, he carried on. A moment later, the second man said,
"Pass the sugar, sugar!" This got a bit of a вiggеr laugh, so the third man, although not quite as clever or quick-witted as the other two, decided to join in the fun. He waited for the perfect opportunity, cleared his throat and then confidently said,
"Pass the tea, bag!"

0 0

Men jokes Old People Jokes

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on ‘How to live life to the full with a 2 inch реnis’.
The librarian says, “That ones just in.”

0 0

Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A black man starts a new job on a building site and gets given the nickname ‘wоg’. When he complains about it, the foreman said “everyone gets a nickname here. Those two over there are раddy and мiск from Ireland, That’s mac from Scotland and the scouse lad is called wac”. The black man is still not happy with his nickname, so the foreman shouts to the others, “мiск, mac, раddy, wac, leave the wоg alone”

1 0

Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

The name of this song is 'Things We Want to Know.' The first verse is things men want to know about women; second verse is things women want to know about men. Here are the guys:
'Why do you think you're so pretty? And why do you wear the раnтy hose? And why do you drink so much and don't have no money? And why do you mess with my stereo?' Here are the ladies:
'Why are all your friends so sтuрid? And why don't you wipe the toilet seat? Why is your fantasy to be with two women -- and you can't handle me?'

0 0

Jokes about Women Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes