Men jokes

Most popular in this category
Men jokes Friendship Jokes
Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes
I never quite figured out why the sеxuаl urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE... One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were in bed together. Well, the passion starts to heat up and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said,
"WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I
Told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new Shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey."
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said,
"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"
I then said,
"Really honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with
My financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to кill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sеx tonight either.
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes
A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong раnтiеs. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt [or general lack thereof] and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
“Id like some raisin bread please”, the man says politely. The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.
Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves as he’s having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices whats going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon each male patron is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.
After many trips shes tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try this bread for herself!
Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, “Is yours raisin too?”
“No,” croaks the old man “… But its startin to twitch.”
Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East,  I was very confident that I would makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.   But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic.  So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… Totally exhausted and panting.  Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed.  Then these posters were pasted all over the place”
“That should have worked,” said the friend.
The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left…”
Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Friendship Jokes
One day Superman was feeling a bit hot.
So he asked his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action.
‘Hey Batman! Who’s good?’
‘ Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sеx in comic land. Why don’t you try her?’ replied Batman
‘I’d love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends.
So I don’t really want to take advantage of her.’
Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying nакеd, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart.
Superman was tempted.
He thought to himself, ‘I’m faster than a speeding bullet.
I can be in and out of there before she even knows I ‘m there.’
So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone.
Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed ___expression.
‘What the hеll was that??’ she exclaimed.
‘I don’t know,’ said the Invisible Man as he rolled off.
‘But my frickin’ аrsе is killing me.
Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes