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Men vs Women Jokes

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Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?
A: Whistle through his рескеr.
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Men vs Women Jokes
How can you tell if a man is lying?
His lips are moving.
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По какво можете да познаете дали един адвокат лъже? Lyin' Lawyer Laffs ¿Cómo se sabe cuándo un abogado está mintiendo?. Woran erkennt man, ob ein Mann lügt? Seine Lippen bewegen sich. Comment savoir si un assureur vous ment ? Ses lèvres bougent. Woran erkennt man das Donald Trump lügt? Er bewegt die Lippen How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips. Comment fait-on pour savoir quand un homme dit des niaiseries? -Les lèvres bougent Woran erkennt man, ob eine Frau lügt? – Man guckt, ob sie die Lippen bewegt! Hur vet en döv människa om en advokat ljuger? - Hans läppar rör sig! Como voce sabe que um advogado esta' mentindo ? R: Seus labios estao se mexendo. Mistä voit päätellä, että asianajaja valehtelee? - Sen huulet liikkuvat. Da che cosa si capisce che un avvocato sta mentendo? Dal fatto che le sue labbra si muovono! Cum îţi dai seama că un avocat minte? Îşi mişcă buzele. Kaip jūs galite pasakyti, kad juodaodis meluoja? Jo lūpos juda. Po czym się poznaje, ze polityk kłamie? - Po tym, ze porusza ustami... Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move. Πώς καταλαβαίνεις ότι ένας δικηγόρος λέει ψέματα; Κουνιούνται τα χείλη του.
Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
Q: Why does it take one million sреrм to fertilize one egg?
A: They don't stop to ask for directions
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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Sexist Jokes
Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
A: She was trying to make up her mind.
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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Q: Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
A: They can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.
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Men vs Women Jokes Food Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided to go and check his mail.
The next thing he knows, a beautiful woman is standing in front of him and she has a robe on and she opens it and the man notices she has nothing on underneath. He tries to keep eye contact with the girl while she is talking to him. All of a sudden she says, “I hear someone coming, let's go in my apartment.
When they get in to her apartment, she lets her robe fall to the ground and asks the man, “Which part of my body do you like the best?” The guy replies, “Your ears.”
So she gets mad and asks, “Why my ears!? Look at this body! It's perfect! Look at these вrеаsтs - they're real and they're mine! Look at this вuтт - it's hard and firm! So why my ears?” The guy says, “Well, because the person you heard coming was me!”
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Men vs Women Jokes
A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer broke.
So the brunette said she would check the blonde's e-mail for her. The blonde said, ''Cool! E-mail me and tell me what I got.''
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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad соw?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
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Em Londres, marido e mulher se acomodam na mesa de um restaurante. O garçom pergunta: — O que os senhores desejam? — Eu quero um filé mal passado! — responde o homem. — Senhor? Tem certeza? E a... Мъж и жена сядат в ресторант. Идва сервитьорът да им вземе поръчката. - Добър вечер! Какво ще желаете? - Една голяма телешка пържола за мен - казал мъжът. - Ами лудата крава? - Тя може да си поръча... Levei minha esposa ao restaurante. O garçom, por algum motivo, anotou meu pedido primeiro. — Vou querer churrasco mal passado, por favor. O garçom disse: — O senhor não está preocupado com a vaca... Am scos-o pe nevasta-mea la un restaurant. S-a intimplat ca ospatarul sa ia mai intii comanda mea. "Un cotlet mare de vita in singe pe gratar. M-a intrebat: "Nu va pasa de vaca nebuna?" "Nu.", am... Βγήκαμε με την γυναίκα μου για φαγητό. Ο σερβιτόρος, για κάποιο λόγο, πήρε πρώτα την δική μου παραγγελία. - Θα πάρω μια μοσχαρίσια μπριζόλα. Λίγο ψημένη, να έχει μέσα αίμα. - Δεν ανησυχείτε για την...
Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Restaurant Jokes
Q: Why can't men get mad соw disease?
A: They're all pigs.
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Men vs Women Jokes
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"
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Men vs Women Jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes
One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a воndаgе S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
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Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes
Q: Why do blondes need see through lunch boxes.
A: So they can tell if they're coming home or going to work.
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Men vs Women Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Blonde Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterward, the doctor comes into her room and says, "I have something to tell you about your child."
The woman worriedly asks, "What's wrong with it?"
The doctor says, "There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different. It's a hermaphrodite."
The woman looks confused. "A hermaphrodite? What's that?"
The doctor replies, "It has both male and female features."
The woman looks relieved. "Oh, you mean it has a реnis AND a brain?"
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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes
A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball.
She said, "Shut up! I'm winning."
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Борец се застоява пред кафе-машина. Добивка Кафанската пејачка и автоматот за кафе The soda machine στο μηχάνημα του καφέ Ρέντα... Αυτόματο καφέ Ein Österreicher kommt zu einem Coca Cola Automaten und wirft eine Münze ein. Die Maschine spuckt ein Coca Cola aus. Un atlante se encuentra en un casino de Las Vegas frente a una máquina de sodas. El Atlante introduce unas monedas, presiona un botón, y recibe una soda. Vuelve a introducir otras monedas, y recibe otra soda. Y vuelve a introducir otras monedas, y recibe otra soda más. Un señor se acerca y le... Steht ein Mann vor einem Brötchenautomat und zieht sich die ganze Zeit Brötchen. Da kommt ein anderer vorbei und sagt: "Hör auf damit, was bringt das?" Antwortet der andere: "Jetzt aufhören? Bei der Glückssträhne?" C'est un Belge qui marche dans la rue. Il passe devant un distributeur de boissons et s'arrête, stupéfait. "Tiens, alors comme c'est bizarre, à quoi ça peut bien servir ??" Il fout une pièce,... Sune står vid en smörgåsautomat och stoppar i krona efter krona. Kön växer bakom honom och när han plockar upp ut sin elfte smörgås säger en uppretad herre: - Hörru du är det inte dags att sluta... A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course... Stoi blondynka przed automatem do coca coli, kupuje i kupuje - robi się kolejka, w końcu zniecierpliwieni ludzie zadają pytanie: - Co pani tam tak długo robi? Na to blondynka odpowiada: - Przecież... O português chegou na máquina de refrigerantes, colocou uma ficha, e pegou a latinha. Depois botou outra ficha e pegou outra latinha. Depois botou outra ficha e pegou outra latinha. Meia hora... A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?" Era una rubia que llega al casino por primera vez y lo primero que ve es una máquina de coca-cola donde un señor pone una moneda de un euro, recoge la lata y se va. La rubia saca un euro, mete la... Un Belge met des pièces dans un distributeur de boissons. Pour avoir des bouteilles de Coca-Cola. Une queue s'est formé derrière lui et on lui demande s'il a bientôt terminé. Il répond: - Tant que... Przed automatem z wodą sodową stoi blondynka. Wrzuca monetę, czeka aż szklanka napełni się wodą, wypija, wrzuca monetę i tak bez końca. Ludzie stojący za nią w kolejce niecierpliwią się. - Niech...
Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes
Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!
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Men vs Women Jokes
A man tells his friend, "My wife is an angel."
His friend replies, "Lucky you. Mine's still alive."
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Ангел Kommt ein glücklicher Mann in eine Bar Aγγελος Πεθερές Ο τυχερός σύζυγος Treffen sich 2 Männer, sagt der eine: "Meine Frau ist ein Engel! " Dois amigos estavam sentados no bar tomando uma e conversando: Συζητούν δύο παντρεμένοι: - Моята жена е ангел! Unterhalten sich zwei Freundinnen:,"Mein Mann ist ein Engel!",- "Da hast du aber Glück, meiner lebt noch!" Zwei alte Freundinnen treffen sich auf der Straße, und beginnen über ihre Ehemänner zu reden: "Mein Mann ist ein richtiger Engel", meint die eine, worauf die andere sagt: "Hast du aber Glück, meiner lebt noch! - Wiesz moja teściowa jest aniołem. - Tak? A moja niestety jeszcze żyje. Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." Зустрілись двоє приятелів і зачали обговорювати чесноти й вади своїх жінок. — Моя Аллочка — просто янгол! — каже перший. — Щастить же тобі! А моя краля — ще жива. - Min fru är en ängel. - Vilken jävla tur du har. Min lever fortfarande. Deux maris discutent :  - Ma belle-mère est un ange !  - T'as de la chance, la mienne est encore en vie. Un muchacho le dice a otro (orgullosamente): "Mi mujer es un ángel." El otro responde: "Tienes suerte, la mía todavía está viva". - Min svigermor er en engel! - Heldig asen, min lever endnu... Rozmawia dwóch kumpli: - Moja żona to anioł... - A moja jeszcze żyje... - Moja żona jest aniołem. - Ty to masz szczęście. Moja jeszcze ciągle żyje. Min svärmor är en ängel. – Vad du är lyckligt lottad! Min lever än… De ene man zegt tegen de andere man: Mijn schoonmoeder is een engel ! Zegt de andere man: " Jij hebt geluk, de mijne leeft nog. - Anoppini on oikea enkeli. - Ai, minun elää vielä Két férfi beszélget: - Az én feleségem egy angyal. - Jó neked, az enyém még sajnos él! Deux copines se rencontrent. L'une dit à l'autre : - Moi j'ai de la chance ma belle mère est un ange. - Ah bon ! répond l'autre, la mienne est toujours en vie ! Dos mujeres charlando: - Mi marido es un ángel. -¡ Qué suerte! - El mío todavía vive. Pietro dice a Piero: "Mia suocera è un angelo!" E Piero risponde: "Beato te, la mia purtroppo è ancora viva!!". - Min svigermor er en engel. - Heldiggris. Min lever ennå. Um homem chega pro outro e diz: — Minha sogra é um anjo. — Sorte a sua porque a minha ainda está viva. Dois amigos conversam: — Minha mulher é um anjo! — Sorte sua, a minha ainda está viva! - O! Fąfara jak dobrze, że Cię spotykam! Jak Ci leci? - Ożeniłem się. - A jaką masz babę? - Anioł nie kobieta. - To masz szczęście, bo moja jeszcze żyje. Ci sono due amici, uno dice all'altro: - "Mia moglie è un angelo" - "Fortunato tu, la mia è ancora viva". Пријател на Пријателот: Мојата сопруга е ангел! Другиот: Среќа твоја мојате сеуште е жива?!?!
Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes
A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by visiting fence against which they first made love.The husband says, "Come on, for old times' sake."
The wife agrees and they both undress.Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago."
His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"
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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes
Q: Why do blondes like hearing blonde jokes?
A: It makes them feel popular.
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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes
Love and Неrреs?
Q: What's the difference between love and hеrреs?
A: Неrреs lasts forever.
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Men vs Women Jokes
Q: What is the diference between like and love?
A: When a person likes you they spit and when a person loves you they swallow.
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Men vs Women Jokes
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