Men-Women jokes

A redneck couple goes to a hotel for their honeymoon. The husband goes to the front desk and stresses that this is a very important occasion and they'll need a deluxe suite.
The clerk says, "Well, I can give you the bridal.
The fellow thinks a moment and replies, "No, that's not necessary. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."

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Did you hear about the blonde who tried to кill herself?
She jumped out a basement window!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

One day a blonde finds out from her friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. So one day she goes out to the mall and buys a gun. After that she goes to her boyfriend's house. She busts down the door and points the gun at her head.
"What are you doing?'' says her boyfriend.
"Shut up! You're next!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Cheating Jokes

Before you leave your house...
1. Put on a little too much cologne.
2. Before you leave home, fill your pockets with mints. When your date says something to you when she's really close, give her a mint. EX: Girl - ''This movie sure is romantic.'' Guy - ''Here's a mint, now what did you say?''
When you go to pick her up:
1. When you get to her door, don't knock or ring the doorbell, just go on in. She's expecting you.
2. Call her parents by their first names.
3. If she asks you how she looks, and her parents are nearby, tell her she looks sеxy.
4. When introducing yourself to her parents, tell them that you prefer to go by your gang name.
5. Always look nice when you meet the parents. wear a new Marlboro jacket and be sure to tell them how many Marlboro bucks it took to get it. Parents smile upon a man that can save his Marlboro money.
6. Show respect. Take your Fubu cap and matching coat off when you enter the house. Make sure you wear your cap and coat in the summer too. If her parents ask why, tell them that you're ''keepin' it real.''
On the way to wherever:
1. Do NOT let her touch the radio or the air conditioner. You are the man, make sure she knows that.
2. If she makes up for lost time by putting on her lipstick in the car, gently tap the brakes at the same time the lipstick touches her mouth.
3. Check out the girl in the other car while at the stoplight.
4. If you pick the girl up from home at 6:45, have someone call you on the cell phone at 7:00 and talk to them till you get to your destination, this way you won't have to worry about what to say to her.
5. Drive ten miles BELOW the speed limit.
6. Develop a really bad Рее Wee Herman impression and talk to her through it.
When you arrive at your destination:
1. If you go to the movies, flirt with the girl at the ticket counter.
2. If you go to a restaurant, say you're really hungry. Let her order first. Since you'll be eating heavy, she'll probably order a big meal, too. When she finishes, order a small coke and a box of McDonaldland cookies.
3. If you get nervous, just pretend that she's one of your guy friends. At the end of the meal, say ''Boy, you ate everything but the table.'' Say it with confidence.
4. Be classy. If you eat at McDonald's, leave a tip.
On the way back to her house: Take your cell phone and call another girl. Ask her to do something with you in about an hour.

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Men vs Women Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: Knock on the door.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Military Jokes

Q: How do cowboys do it rodeo style?
A: They start out doggy style, hold a вrеаsт in each hand, tell her that she feels just like an ex-girlfriend, then see if they can hold on for eight seconds.

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Men vs Women Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A man visits the doctor because of his severe stuttering problem.
The doctor says, "It appears that your реnis is four inches too long and is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing the stutter."
"D-d-d-oct-t-tor. Wh-ha-a-at c-c-can I d-d-do?"
The doctor tells him that he must remove the extra four inches to relieve the strain.
Six months after the operation, the patient returns for his check-up. "Doctor, the operation was a success. I no longer stutter, I have a great job and my self-esteem is fantastic. However, my wife says that she misses the great sеx we used to have. I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those four inches."
The doctor hesitates for a minute and then says, "I d-d-d-on't th-th-think-k-k-k that wo-wo-wo-ould b-be p-p-pos-s-s-ib-b-ble."

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Men vs Women Jokes

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey.
He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty hоrny. He gets to the point where he can''t stand it anymore. So he decides to try and have sеx with the donkey.
He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey. But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away. Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again. He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again. Now the man is getting frustrated.
As he prepares for his third and final try, he sees a vision. A beautiful, nакеd woman appears out of nowhere. She approaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he was the only person for hundreds of miles. She smiles at him and says, ''''I would do anything for that bowl of fruit you have."
''''Anything?'''' he says, getting fairly excited.
''''Yes, anything.'''' she replies.
So he says, ''''Will you hold the donkey!?''''

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

Our Sтuрid Apartment's On Fire!
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
"Together, together!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A drunк stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?"
The woman replies, "Listen you drunken ваsтаrd, that's a dog not a pig."
The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"

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Men vs Women Jokes Dog jokes

Q: Why did the blonde have square воовs?
A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Boob Jokes

Two people were stranded on an iceberg with only a telescope.
One of them was looking through the telescope and said, ''We're saved! Look, it's the Titanic!''

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What do you call a male sтriр club?
A: A cockpit

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Men vs Women Jokes

Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local sтriр club for his birthday.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him.
The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Birthday Jokes

One day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank sheet of paper in their notebooks. She noticed that Chip, the dumb jоск, was having trouble with her directions.
"Have you found a blank piece yet, Chip?" said the teacher.
"Nope. I haven't," said the dumb jоск. "Somebody went through and drew lines across all of the pages."

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes School Jokes

Q: Why do blondes smile when there's lightning?
A: They think they're getting their picture taken.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Weather jokes

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fuскs the stork?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Dаrn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: haircut and new color, new outfit and big sunglasses, and then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

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Men vs Women Jokes Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes Customer service jokes

There was a blonde at a stoplight and it said walk.
She started walking and, when she was in the middle of the street, the sign turned to don't walk. So she stopped.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

One day the Sunday school teacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first.
Susie said, "Your heart, 'cause you need it to love."
Richie said, "Your head, 'cause you need it to think."
Little Johnny raised his hand and the teacher called on him reluctantly. Little Johnny said, "Your feet."
Confused, the teacher asked why.
Johnny replied, "When I walked past my mom's room last night, she had her feet in the air and was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming, I'm coming!"

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Men vs Women Jokes School Jokes