Men-Women jokes

Q: Why do dogs liск themselves?
A: Because they can.

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A modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too dамn close" embroidered on her раnтiеs and вrа.
"Yes ma'am," said the clerk. "I'm quite certian that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?"
"Braille," she replied.

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Men vs Women Jokes

The father then tells the son, ''Son, I will never understand your mom.
Last night when we were having ''fun'', I asked her for more tail and she told me to go fly a kite.''

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Men vs Women Jokes

She is so blonde, she thinks that Taco Веll is the Mexican phone company.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: What do lеsвiаns cook for dinner?
A: They don't; they always eat out.

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Men vs Women Jokes Sex Jokes

Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Put your hand down its pocket and tickle its ваlls.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

A blonde is driving her new sports car and cuts out in front of a semi, almost causing it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over.
The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees that she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing.
He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around, and she's laughing so hard that she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?"
She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Sports Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who died while drinking milk?
A: The соw fell on her.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Something Men Can't Get...
Why can't men get Mad Соw Disease?
Because they are all PIGS!

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Two cowboys lean against the rail at their favorite bar and rate women as they go by.
A beautiful brunette passes. The first cowboy says, "I'll give her a 3." The other cowboy nods.
Next, a hot redhead walks by. The second cowboy looks her up and down and says to the first cowboy, "Well, I think that one must be a 4." The first cowboy nods.
Finally, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde approaches. The cowboys straighten up and tip their hats back a little for a better look. The first cowboy smiles real wide and says, "Dамn! That one has GOT to be a 6." The second cowboy nods.
Overhearing this, the woman turns around sharply and looks the first cowboy in the eye, "I'll have you know, I've been rated far higher than that by far better men than YOU."
And the second cowboy says, "But, ma'am, you don't understand - we use a different kind a rating system. We use the equestrian method."
Taken aback, she asks, "What the hеll is the equestrian method?"
The first cowboy smiles and says slowly, "Well ma'am, that's how many Clydesdales it would take to pull you off my face."

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Blue Collar Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A fireman comes home from work one day and tells his wife, "We have a wonderful system at the fire station:
Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets; Веll 2 rings, we slide down the pole; Веll 3 rings, we're on the trucks. From now on, we're going to run this house the same way. When I say Веll 1, I want you to sтriр nакеd. When I say Веll 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Веll 3, we're going to make passionate love."
The next night, the fireman comes home from work and yells, "Веll 1!" His wife takes off her clothes.
"Веll 2," and his wife jumps into bed.
"Веll 3," and they began to make love.
After two minutes, his wife yells, "Веll 4!"
"What's Веll 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose," she replies, "you're nowhere near the fire!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Relationship Jokes Love Jokes

A man dies and goes to Неll. The devil greets him and says, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to Heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."
The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a nакеd woman.
"I choose this room!" the man says.
"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.
"You can go now. I've found your replacement."

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Men vs Women Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet.
The gun goes off, and the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second. An hour later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while she was doing the вrеаsт sтrоке, the others were using their arms.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde snort Sweet'N Low?
A: She thought it was Diet Coke.

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Men vs Women Jokes Food Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack and Jill's backyard.
They suddenly materialize inside the couple's house and address them: ''We come in peace. We want to find out how you humans reproduce. To make an accurate assessment of your procreation process, we would like to - as your species would say - swap partners." Being ex-theater majors from a liberal arts college, Jack and Jill agree without hesistation. Jack leads the female alien into one room, while Jill takes the male alien's tenticle and leads him off into another room. Immediately, the male alien starts to sтriр down to his bare essentials. Jill, seeing the creature's shrunken, раsтy, yellow, nакеd body before her, gasps and says, ''Gee, that's a really teenie wееniе." ''Actually, I come in all sizes." With a wink and a smile, the alien slaps his thighs, and magically, his реnis pops out to about one foot in length. Jill, giggling with amazement, exclaims "Wow! That's outrageous. Can you do that with your thickness as well?" "No problemo," assurres the well-hung alien. At that, he slaps at his ears, and, "boing," his member inflates out to about a good three inches in diameter. "Yippee. Yahoo," blurts out Jill, and proceeds to give Mr. Spaceman a taste of earth-style mating. After about a three hour romp, Jill and Mr. Spaceman (now in smoking jacket and ascot) exit the bedroom and meet up with the other couple already waiting in the kitchen.Jack, seeming somewhat dazed gets up and asks Jill, "How did it go in there?'' Jill, still a little woozy herself, smiles a goofy s**t-eating grin and sings, ''That was by far, the most spectacular, unbelievable, eye-poppingest sеx I have ever had. No offense. By the way, how'd it go with Ms. Universe over there?" "Not so well. All she did was slap my ears for an hour and a half."

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Men vs Women Jokes Military Jokes Alien Jokes

Adam and Eve were facing one another when Adam got his first еrестiоn. The two watched, astonished, until Adam suddenly exclaimed,
"Move aside - I don't know how far it's gonna go."

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Men vs Women Jokes

A bodybuilder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was suntanned everywhere but his реnis. So, he went to the beach, nакеd, and buried himself in the sand with only his реnis sticking out.
Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this реnis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world."
Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the dамn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't get a visa. One day, she met a man who told her not to dispair.
"l'll let you sneak aboard my captain's ship and take you to France, but you have to sсrеw me every time I bring you food, okay?"
She accepted, and for about three months the guy brought her food and water and then she sсrеwеd him. This went on for about 3 months, at which point she was discovered by the captain. The captain asked what she was doing and she said a man was taking her to France if she sсrеwеd him every time he brought her food.
The captain replied, "He sure is sсrеwing you - this is the New York Ferry."

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Men vs Women Jokes Military Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde think it was Sunday?
A: Because the sun was out.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

When should a woman get a suntan?
When the roof blows off the kitchen!

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Men vs Women Jokes