Men-Women jokes

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants a man to satisfy their every little need.
A man wants all the women to satisfy their one and only little need.

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I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.
I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

Q. How do men define a long-term relationship?
A. A second date.

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Relationship Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Q: What does a blonde consider safe sеx?

A: A padded head board.

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One-Liner Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now fuск off!

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.
His mother had Puritan principals.
The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice.
"Mom, can I еsсоrт Helen?"
The girl, waiting to hear a cold hearted "no", she surprised hears:
"Sure... You can! Еsсоrт her... to the corner with your eyes!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women

Q: Why do women wear black underwear?
A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

I've got a new anorexic girlfriend.
Its not going too well though.
I'm just seeing less and less of her ...

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas.
She’s down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?"
He walks away.
Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table.
Thinking maybe she’d won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.
The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned.
He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"

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Money jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

2 cannibals having dinner.
1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew."
2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."

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Cannibal Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife.
"Hello," he starts, "I'm doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?"
"Yes. My husband and I use it during se-x," she answers.
The researcher is taken aback.
"Um, er, I admire you for your honesty," he continues. "Can you tell me exactly how you use it?"
"Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can't get in."

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Men vs Women Jokes Parent Jokes Sex Jokes

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV. The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks, "What are you staring at?"
"A spider," he replies.
"I don't see anything," she says.
"Oh, it must have fallen on your head," he said calmly.
The wife jumps up screaming...
The man says, "While you're up, can you get me another вееr?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Men jokes Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Beer Jokes

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr. Klopman."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Girls mature faster than guys because men don't usually develop вrеаsтs until their mid 40's.

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Men vs Women Jokes

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

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Divorce Jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it.
She was telling him what colour to paint each room.
They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue."
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?"
The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."

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Irish jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Why are women like parking spaces?
Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes