News and Politics Jokes

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What Is Politics?
Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?Father: Sure, son. What's the question?Son: What is politics?Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Tony Blair." Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Gordon Brown." We take care of your needs, so we'll call you "the People." We'll call the maid "the Working Class," and your baby brother we can call "the Future." Do you understand, son?Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words? Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is sсrеwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of s**t.
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Yeah, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says,
"Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, "Ok."
Next day the German tells him they have to cut his other leg.
"Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."
"NO!" Snapped the German. "We think you are trying to escape!"
North vs. South:
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes The South has 'mater samiches The North has coffeehouses The South has Waffle Houses The North has dating services The South has family reunions The North has switchblade knives The South has Lee Press-on Nails The North has double last names The South has double first names The North has Ted Kennedy The South has Jesse Helms The North has an ambulance The South has an amalance The North has the Mafia The South has NASCAR The North has Indy car races The South has Swamp Buggy races The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal The South has grits The North has green salads The South has collard greens and chitlins The North has lobsters The South has crawdads The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners The North has the rust belt The South has the Bible Belt The North has Dan Quayle The South has Bill Clinton
Светска политика Η παγκόσμια οικονομία με παραδείγματα Funktionsweise verschiedener sozialer Systeme anhand eines einfachen Beispieles: Sozialismus Du besitzt zwei Kühe. Eine Kuh musst du deinem Nachbarn abgeben. Kommunismus Du besitzt zwei Kühe. Die Regierung nimmt dir beide weg und verkauft dir die Milch. Nationalsozialismus Du besitzt zwei Kühe.... SI al menos me lo hubieran explicado así en el colegio... SOCIALISMO Tienes 2 vacas... pero el Estado te ordena regalarle una a tu vecino. COMUNISMO Tienes 2 vacas. El estado te las quita y te regala la leche. FASCISMO Tienes 2 vacas. El estado te las quita y te vende la leche. NAZISMO Tienes... Какво е социализъм, комунизъм и капитализъм? Обясняваме с крави: Основни понятия Феодализъм: Имате 2 крави. Вашият господар прибира част от млякото. Социализъм: Имате 2 крави. Давате едната на съседа. Комунизъм: Имате 2 крави. Държавата прибира и двете крави и ви дава малко мляко.... Traditionell kapitalism: Du har två kor. Du säljer den ena och köper en tjur. Hjorden förökar sig och ekonomin växer. Du säljer dem och kan pensionera dig på inkomsten. Ett amerikanskt företag: Du... De verschillende economische systemen uitgelegd aan de hand van koeien *Socialisme* Je hebt twee koeien en je geeft er één aan je buurman die geen koeien heeft. *Communisme* Je hebt twee... INDIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You worship them. PAKISTAN ECONOMICS You don’t have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for... Sosialismi: - Sinulla on kaksi lehmää. Valtio antaa toisen niistä naapureillesi. Fasismi: - Sinulla on kaksi lehmää. Hallitus ottaa molemmat ja ampuu sinut. Maolaisuus: - Sinulla on kaksi lehmää.... SOCIALISMO Tenés 2 vacas. Le regalás una a tu vecino. COMUNISMO Tenés 2 vacas. El estado te quita las dos y te regala un poco de la leche. FASCISMO Tenés 2 vacas. El estado te las quita y te vende... Capitalismo ideal: Você tem duas vacas. Vende uma e compra um touro. Eles se multiplicam, e a economia cresce. Você vende o rebanho e aposenta-se, rico! Capitalismo americano: Você tem duas vacas....
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.