Old People Jokes

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женился 60-летний на 20-летней. коллеги по работе спрашивают: - ну... Um velhinho de 75 anos, voltando da viagem de lua-de-mel, encontra um amigo que lhe pergunta: - Então, como foi a lua-de-mel??? - Ótima!!! - responde o velhinho. O amigo insiste: - E o sexo, como foi??? - Fizemos quase todos os dias!!! - Como assim, quase todos os dias??? - É isso mesmo:... Neulich im Park bei Windstärke drei. Treffen sich zwei Achtzigjährige: "Na, wie gehts denn so?" "Fantastisch, ich hab eine neue Freundin!" "Sag bloß." "Sie ist dreiundzwanzig, nächste Woche fahren wir zusammen in Urlaub." "Hui, wünsche viel Vergnügen, erzählst mir dann wie's war?" Zurück aus dem... A seventy-six-year-old man married a woman less than half his age and took her off on honeymoon to the Caribbean. When he returned home, his sister asked him how it had gone. "Oh, it was wonderful," he said, "We made love almost every night." "That's quite a feat at your age," said the sister.... C'est gardien de nuit de 75 ans. Durant toute sa vie, il a exercé ce métier, et du coup, il n'a jamais pu rencontrer de femme avec qui il aurait pu se marier. Mais tout arrive à point à qui sait... Een paar mannen zitten bij de toog op te scheppen over hoeveel keer per week ze seks hebben. Zegt de eerste: "Ik heb alle vrijdagen seks." De tweede zegt: "Huh, ik heb heel het weekend seks."... "Ik ken een oude man di het nog bijna elke dag doet. Maandag bijna, dinsdag bijna, woensdag bijna, ..." Sešdesmitgadīgs vecis apprec divdesmitgadīgu skuķi. Kolēģi apvaicājas: - Nu,kā ar seksu? - Lieliski!Gandrīz katru dienu! - Tavos gados? - Jā,gandrīz pirmdien,gandrīz otrdien,gandrīz trešdien... Un tip de 60 ani s-a căsătorit cu o tipă de 20. Colegii de lucru îl întreabă: - Cum stai cu sexul? - Aproape în fiecare zi. Aproape luni, aproape marţi, aproape miercuri...
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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They вlоw up so fast, don’t they?"
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Al párroco le estaban haciendo su cena de despedida por 25 años de trabajo en una Parroquia. Un político miembro de la comunidad fue invitado para dar un breve discurso. Como el político tardaba en... El párroco se estaba retirando después de 25 años a cargo de la parroquia y los feligreses decidieron ofrecer una cena de despedida en su honor. Se escogió a un destacado político local, miembro de... Numa pequena cidade do interior, havia um padre muito famoso. Certo dia, ele precisou ir embora e o povo da cidade resolveu fazer uma festa para ele. O prefeito iria fazer um discurso. Quando deu o... O padre Pedro, no jantar de despedida pelos 25 anos de trabalho ininterrupto à frente de uma paróquia discursa: — A primeira impressão que tive da paróquia, foi com a primeira confissão que ouvi. A... O padre encontra-se no jantar de despedida pelos 25 anos de trabalho ininterrupto à frente de uma paróquia numa pequena cidade. E discursa: — Quando aqui cheguei e ouvi a primeira confissão de um... След 15 години служба в енорията на отец Паскуале била организирана прощална вечер в негова чест. На тази вечер бил поканен и известен политик, който трябвало да произнесе кратко, благодарствено... Градоначалникот на општината требало да одржи говор на прослава по повод 15 годишнината од службата на општинскиот свештеник. Бидејќи градоначалникот доцнел, свештеникот решил да одржи краток говор...
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set; and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,” said the politician.
“In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”
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A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. 
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fаrт, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. 
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.
 He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. 
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. 
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. 
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dаммiт... third fuскing rooster I bought this month."
Moral of this story?
Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!
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