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One-Liner Jokes

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Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
Patient: I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Doctor: What's wrong with your bother?
Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.
Doctor: really? How long has this been going on?
Boy: Five years.
Doctor: Five years!
Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Talk is cheap….. if lawyers don’t do the talking.
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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
“An acupuncturist is a pin doctor.”
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Why do those with big noses like making out with their supervisors?
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One-Liner Jokes Boss Jokes
My wife kicked me out because of my awful Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.
But don’t worry...
I’ll return!
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One-Liner Jokes
The homeless lawyer worked hobono.
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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Why couldn't the blonde bob for apples? His sister was using the toilet.
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes Military Jokes
Simon: How were the exam questions?
Peter: Easy.
Simon: Then why do you look so unhappy?
Peter: The questions didn’t give me any trouble—just the answers.
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One-Liner Jokes
Tonight I’m gonna have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...
Because I found Himalayan on the road.
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One-Liner Jokes
The leaders of the Prohibition movement were eventually arrested and charged for gin-ocide.
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One-Liner Jokes
How does a bunny eat? A: Very carrotfully!
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One-Liner Jokes
Follow this sentence: children who cant pay attention are considered to have a disorder. Children who cant pay attention? I dont know, he just wont focus. He could be seven. That could be the issue.
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One-Liner Jokes
After surgery, the doctor said to the patient, "I am sorry, but I forgot a pair of scissors inside you. I need to..."
The patient quickly responded, "Oh don't bother doctor! If it is because of that, just tell me how much it cost and I will pay you back."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.
Doctor: Your tonsils have to come out.
Patient: I wanna second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.
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Η δεύτερη γνώμη! Психиатъра ми ми каза, че съм луда. A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says: Жена отива на лекар и той й казва: Doctor: You're obese. Un señor va al médico porque se encuentra muy mal. Tras una exploración, el doctor le comenta: Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical. After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly... Vous avez un cancer du foie et c'est incurable. - Docteur, comme vous y allez, j'aimerais avoir un deuxième avis. - En plus, vous êtes moche. Depois de avaliar os exames de seu paciente o médico lhe dá uma notícia nada boa: — Lamento informar mas o senhor tem poucos meses de vida! — Não! não! Eu quero uma segunda opinião! — Então tá:... Arzt: "Sie sind stark übergewichtig." Patient: "Uff. Da hätte ich gern eine zweite Meinung." Arzt: „Hässlich sind Sie auch.“ - Κύριε μου, είστε υπερτασικός. - Γιατρέ μου μπορώ να έχω και μια δεύτερη γνώμη ? - Βεβαίως! Είστε και άσχημος. El médico le dice a su paciente: Señor, lamento decirle que usted tiene un cáncer terminal. El paciente indignado le responde: No puede ser, exijo una segunda opinión. El médico amablemente le... Er komt een man bij de dokter. Hij voelt zich zo rottig. De dokter onderzoekt hem en komt tot de conclusie dat de man geen drie weken meer heeft te leven. De man is eerst nogal beduusd, maar zegt... Un tip se duce la doctor să afle ce e în neregulă cu el. - Problema dumneavoastră este că sunteţi gras, îi spuse doctorul. - Aş vrea şi o a doua opinie, spuse tipul. - Bine, sunteţi şi urât, îi... My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.” I went to see my doctor, and he told me I was overweight. I said, "I want a second opinion." He said, "Alright. You're ugly." - Rodney Dangerfield
Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win.
Forever.
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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Aliens DO indeed exist.
They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes Alien Jokes
There was a boy who liked a blonde and so one day he finally got the courage to ask her out. he said "would you go out with me?" she looked confused and said "where we going?"
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
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