Philosophy Jokes

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“What’s done cannot be undone.”
They obviously didn’t have shoelaces in Shakespeare’s day.

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Philosophy Jokes

The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.

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Attitude Jokes Philosophy Jokes

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and furniture spray made with real lemons?

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Philosophy Jokes

Some people’s lives are like open books… Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.

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Philosophy Jokes

My mate Dave’s always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, but lately he doesn’t seem like he’s got a care in the world.
“Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?” I asked him.
“I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “Only costs me a grand a week.”
“A grand a week? How the hеll are you going to afford that?” I asked.
“Fuск knows. That’s his problem.”

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Philosophy Jokes

Some people want to wake up rich. Some people want to wake up famous. I just want to wake up and not worry about a dамn thing.

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Philosophy Jokes

The vаginа is the best engine in the world.
1) It can be started with one finger;
2) It’s self-lubricating;
3) It accepts any size piston;
4) It even changes its own oil every four weeks.
It’s a shame that the management system is so fсuкing temperamental.

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Philosophy Jokes

Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.

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Philosophy Jokes

As I was driving home this afternoon, I start to wonder how they get the deer to cross at those yellow road signs?

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Philosophy Jokes

Just sitting here, musing about sтuрid stuff and conjecturing…
Before they invented baseballs, how did they measure hail?

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Philosophy Jokes

Government Philosophy: If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is.

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Political Jokes Philosophy Jokes

If you really think about it, language is often a тооl for concealing the truth.

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Philosophy Jokes

A Word to the Wise: Beware of accepting a challenge from a Unicorn to play a game of Leapfrog.

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Philosophy Jokes

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

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Chocolate Jokes Philosophy Jokes

7 things you didn’t know about me:
1. I rarely finish anything I start.

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Philosophy Jokes

Toking some good gаnjа here in my воng and thinking about how dense people are on this planet. Not dense, like people packed together in a mosh pit, but dumb … sтuрid … like sheep being led to the slaughter. …
…
“I Think of how sтuрid the average person is, and it hits me: average! That means half of the people are even more sтuрid than that.”

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Philosophy Jokes

Modern philosophy:
If I went to the gym but then didn’t write a Facebook status about it, did it ever really happen?

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Facebook Jokes Philosophy Jokes Fitness jokes

Here I am with my bottle of Tequila, waiting for life to hand me a lemon.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Philosophy Jokes

For years, men have used the cliche, “Why buy the соw when milk is so cheap?”
Now the ladies have retaliated with, “Why buy the pig just to get a little sausage?”

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Men jokes Philosophy Jokes

You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise...

I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did.

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Philosophy Jokes