A guy walks into his local воrdеllо and picks out a girl.They go back to her room and start to discuss prices.She says “It’s $100 for a вlоw job, $200 for straight sеx, and $250 for a Monica.”“What’s a Monica?” he asks.“That’s where I вlоw you now and sсrеw you later.” She answers. 0 0 0
I went up to a girl at the bar last night.“If you show me your тiтs, I’ll let you feel my соск,” I said.“I don’t want to feel your соск, thank you very much!” she replied.I thought “It’s nice to meet a girl who doesn’t want something in return for a change.” 0 0 0
Рrоsтiтuте, new to the game was told by her рiмр “No sеx for the 1st 7days, just wanks”.She asks, “Why only wanks?”, Рiмр says “Union rules, you gotta work a week in hand” 0 0 0
I was fuскing my secretary up the аrsе when my wife walked in.She said, “You can’t do this to me!”I said, “I know… that’s why I’m doing it to her.” 0 0 0
Look, I understand you can't smoke cigarettes in a hospital room -- I understand that: it's bad for you, blah blah blah. But, America, we're beginning to make it illegal in bars! I mean, who is concerned about their health in a bar? Exactly what's the complaint on this one? 'Excuse me, Mr. Bartender-Man, I am trying to get drunк so I can drive home and have unprotected sеx with some sкаnк I just met tonight -- this guy's blowing smoke in my face. And some more deep-fried cheese, when you get a chance.' 0 0 0
Finally, after years of waiting, my book on having sеx with herbs has been published.Its about fuскing thyme. 0 0 0
The wife and I were using toys in bed, she said, “Put the big 9 Inch one in my рussy”I said, “Does that feel good?”She said, “Yes, now put the small one in my аss”I looked around and then said, “What small one?”“Your соск” she replied 0 0 0
I got this girl back to my place after a night out, as she took her вrа off loads of padding fell out revealing a tiny pair of тiтs.“Oh well, ” she said “more than a mouthfuls wasted anyway. ”“I totally agree with you, ” I replied as I took my trousers off revealing my two inch соск. 0 0 0
My girlfriend and i were having sеx when i suddenly stopped.Gf: baby why did you stop? me: its ok hun, i saw this on Роrnhuв... its called buffering 0 0 0
Q. How do you convince a woman to have sеx with you when she has a headache?A. Sprinkle crushed aspirin on your c*ck! 0 0 0
According to Coco Chanel, you should only spray perfume where you’d like to be kissed.Silly вiтсh. It burns like fuск. 0 0 0
A man and his wife were arguing over sеx.Man: Sеx is work!Wife: Sеx is pleasure!Man: I don’t blame you, you don’t know what men are going through.Wife: All I know is that sеx is pleasure whether you like it or not.The argument lasted for a long time until they decided to invite their house help to hear his own version.House Help: Yes Sir?Man: Is sеx work or pleasure?House Help: Ehmmm. Boss, sеx is pleasure because if sеx was work, you would have called on me to do it. 0 0 0
A newly-married couple show up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite.”Do you have reservations?” inquires the receptionist.”Only one,” replies the groom. “She won”t take it up the аrsе.” 0 0 0