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Вицове за секс, 18+ Sex Jokes Sexwitze Chistes de sexo Русский Blagues de sexe Barzellette sul Sesso Σεξουαλικά ανέκδοτα Сексуални вицеви Türkçe Анекдоти про секс 18+ Português Dowcipy o seksie 18+ Svenska Seks moppen Sex jokes Sex-vitser Seksivitsit Szexi viccek Româna Vtipy o sexu a milování Lietuvių Anekdotes par attiecībām un seksu Seksi vicevi
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I’ve just bought a girls virginity on eBay for £2,500.
Unfortunately for her, 10 of my mates also chipped in.
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I had sеx with my girlfriend last night and the whole time she kept saying things like, “Is it in yet?”
“I’m not even close” or “This is pretty shiт.”
I made her moan all night. Oh yeah.
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A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.
When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use.
He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for.
“The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” explains the manager.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, “But we didn’t use it!”
The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager.
“But sir,” the managers says, “this check is only made out for $100.”
“That’s right,” replies the man. “I charged you $250 for sleeping n having вuтт sеx with my wife.”
“What! I didn’t sleep with your wife!” exclaims the manager.
“Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.
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I’m addicted to wanking over leaflets.
When I went into rehab, I got off to a flyer.
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After hearing a couple’s complaints that their intimate life wasn’t what it used to be, the sеx counsellor suggested they vary their position. “For example” he suggested “you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs from behind and off you go”. The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home. “Well, okay” the hesitant wife agreed “but on two conditions. First, if it hurts you have to stop right away, and second…” she continued “you have to promise we won’t go past my parents’ house”.
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The marketing department of an adult toy manufacturer was struggling to come up with a memorable name for their newest strap-on dildо, so they finally had a naming contest.
The winning entry: The Clydesdale model.
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Q:what do black guys get after sex
A:25 to life
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A guy complains to his doctor that his sеx life is deteriorating rapidly. The doctor tells him he needs to reintroduce excitement, guilt and so on into the process. He ponders this for a few days and hatches a plan.
“Well,” he says to the doctor “A week ago, I did everything you suggested. The boss let me leave work an hour early. I sped home and I skidded all the way up the driveway.
I slammed open the door, charged into the house and found Sheila in the living room. I stripped her nакеd and we went to it on the coffee table.”
“And did you enjoy it?” asked the doctor enthusiastically.
“Well,” says the guy slowly and thoughtfully, “somewhat, but the Bible group was kind of surprised.
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Anant and blonde were having sеx. In middle of heat, Anant blows in her ear.
Blonde says "Ooooh that's nice. Thanks for the refill!"
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My sеx doll and I have been together for exactly a year today.
To celebrate our anniversary, I decided to get her a book.
‘Sеx tips for Dummies’.
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Women, we like to be romanced. We like to be wined, dined -- maybe there's a single rose and some dancing -- and then we feel close enough to you to have sеx with you. Men, on the other hand, like to have sеx with you; then they feel close enough to talk to you.
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I ask my 85 year old grandfather at what age does someone lose interest in the opposite sеx.
His answer was he did not know and suggested I ask someone older than him.
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I started getting tired during sеx the other day, so I asked the girl to get on top. … …
…
To which she replied, “You haven’t rареd many girls before, have you?”
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Dear Роrn Websites,
If I could get ripped in 4 weeks and have sеx with gorgeous local girls, would I really be on here at half two in the morning, pants around my ankles, маsтurватing in my own filth?
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It hurts when someone you love says mean things to you…. Like, “It’s time to wake up.”
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What’s the hardest thing about having AIDS?
Leaving your friend’s behind.
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Ways to Tell Your Woman is Socking Away the Groceries ,,,
1) Her shadow weighs six pounds;
2) She needs one bathroom scale for each foot;
3) Before sеx you have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
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The teacher asks the class, “What can women do that men can’t do?”
“Have babies!”
“Breastfeed a baby!”
“Have sеx when they’re dead!”
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Sеx has gone downhill lately so I bought the wife a dildо.
She said “It looks like a giant carrot!” Which is ironic as her fаnny looks like a donkey yawning!!!
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To mothers everywhere:
The mystery is solved about all those crusty socks you pick up when you clean your son’s room.
The crust is called pornstarch.
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