Sex Jokes - Page 94

You are so tall in my eyes that they can't rise higher than your waist.

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Sex Jokes

I was having sеx with my girlfriend. She said “Tonight I want to try it in the other hole.” I said “No way love, you might get pregnant.”

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Sex Jokes

Why are vegetarians silent during sεx?
Because they are overcome with the pleasure they can get from a piece of meat.

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Sex Jokes

*in bed*
Boyfriend: Why are you so far away?.
Girlfriend: You missed your chance earlier because you were to busy playing League Of Legends so... HAH.
Boyfriend: In that case... ... More League...
Girlfriend: H-Hay wait Nooo!
*start to have sеx*
Girlfriend: Dамn it every time
Boyfriend: *whisper's* yessssss
Try this on your girlfriend next time your in bed.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

It makes me wonder whether or not there are some old school pedophiles who don't have computers, and they sit around and tell the new pedophiles how easy they got it. 'You know, when I was a young man, there was no Internet. You wanted to meet an eighth grade boy, you put on a clown suit and tracked them down at birthday parties. You couldn't e-mail them like today, you lazy ваsтаrds. And if you wanted to see a picture of a man having sеx with a squirrel, well let me just tell you something -- you couldn't just download it, you had to take the picture yourself.'

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Internet Jokes

An old man is sitting by himself at a park bench crying, when along walks a police officer. With genuine concern the police officer approaches the old man, “is everything OK sir?”
The old man looks up, “no it’s not, every morning I wake up to a beautiful 22 year old blonde, we make passionate love and then she cooks me breakfast with bacon, sausages, eggs and everything else I love. After that she gives me a bath, taking care of all the extra details.
She then makes me lunch which is followed by some more passionate love. In the evening she cooks me dinner and before we go to bed we have some crazy wild sеx.”
The police officer scratching his head, “well what on earth could be wrong with that? what are you so upset about?”
The old man looks up with clear frustration and defeat, “I can’t remember where I live”.

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes

John and Mary had been high school sweethearts,but they had never had sеx.
“We will wait until we get married,”Mary insisted.
So john waited,and waited,and waited. Finally,after three years of engagement,they got married.
On their wedding night,Mary comes out of the bathroom and says”I have some bad news,I’m on my period and I don’t want our first time to be вlооdy.”
“You have got to be fсuкing joking!”screamed John.
“Look,I’m sorry,”said Mary,”but we will have to wait a bit longer.”
Mary then got into bed and went to sleep. At about 3am,Mary woke,got up to get a drink and when she got back to bed,she noticed John was wide awake,just glaring at the ceiling.
“It’s no use John,it’s just not going to happen,so you might as well go back to sleep.”said Mary.
“I wish I could!”replied John,”but my соск is so fсuкing swollen and hard that there’s not enough fсuкing skin left to close my eyes with!!!”

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School Jokes News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

During a sixth grade sеx education class, the young professor asked,
"What happens to a young woman during puberty?"
There was no reply from her students, so she rephrased the question. "What happens to young women as they mature?"
One girl raised her hand and answered, “We start carrying purses?”

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Sex Jokes

You: I had sеx with your mom.
Bully: My mom's in the hospital!
You: Why?
Bully: She broke her tailbone.
You: Did I really push THAT hard?

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Insult Jokes Sex Jokes

This guy visits the doctors and says, “Doc, I think I’ve got a sеx problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore.” The doctor says, “Come back tomorrow and bring her with you.” The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, “Take off your clothes and lie on the table.” She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down. He pulls the guy to the side and says, “You’re fine. She doesn’t give me a hard-on, either.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

All those years of phone sеx has caught up with me…
I now have hearing aids.

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Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Putting a mirror on the bedroom ceiling has done nothing for my sеx-life.
Poor сunт up there looks just as bored as me.

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Sex Jokes

Boxers don't have sеx before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

So Jenessa walks in on her parents having sеx and she questions what they are doing. Her mom says "Oh well sweaty we are making a cake." About 1 week later Jenessa asks her mom if they were making a cake last night and her mother said "yes we were, but how did you know?" Jenessa replies "Because I licked all the icing off the bed."

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

This guy had a perpetual еrестiоn. It was constantly hard, day and night. He went to a drug store to see if he could get something for it.
The pharmacist was a lady and he was kind of ashamed to tell her.
She said, “Don’t be ashamed, I’m a professional, you can tell me anything.”
He told her, “I have this perpetual hard-on. What can you give me for it?”
She responded, “Wait a minute, I’ll have to talk to my partner I’ll be right back,” and she went into the back to talk to her sister who was her partner in the drugstore.
She came back shortly and told him, “The best we can do is give you $500. and part ownership in the drugstore.”

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Sex Jokes

My son walked in on me having sеx and called me a fuскing sluт.
Then I realised he was talking to his girlfriend.

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Sex Jokes

Today I got a text message from my girlfriend:
“Honey, sеx last night was awesome!!” I responded:
“Glad to hear - wish I was there too...”

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I picked up some вiтсh in the pub last night. As she was about to start blowing me, she said “If you come in my mouth, I’ll never talk to you again!”
Well how could I refuse an offer like that!

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Sex Jokes

So Serena and Venus Williams have come out and admitted they are considering sеx changes.
I’m not one to judge, if they want to live as women, let them.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

If this gets 100 kickass, I will ask to have sеx with girlfriend.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes