Sex Jokes - Page 96

Being a guy i have always wondered what sеx must be like for a woman, but i suppose its like putting a cotton bud in your ear feels great, till he sticks it in too deep.

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What did the left p*ssy lip say to the right p*ssy lip? "We used to be really tight until you let that d*ck come between us."

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Sex Jokes

A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sеx. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus flооzy. “Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course,” he explained. “This girl really knows how to go from there.” The roommate arranged the date as promised, and the freshman took the coed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing. On the way home, he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out:
“God, I sure would like to have a little рussy.”
“I would, too,” the girl sighed. “Mine’s the size of a bucket!”

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Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other. At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, “Wow, unbelievable!” Bill woke up and asked, “What’s going on?” Bob said, “I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my wife.”
“How come?”
“To have sеx! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had in my life!” After a pause, Bill said, “Do you want me to come with you?”
“Неll, no! Why would I want you to do that?”
“Because that’s my diск you’re holding.”

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My new вlоw up doll is so realistic, it told me it just wants to be friends.

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Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Missionary Impossible: When 2 fат people try to have sеx.

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Sex Jokes Fat Jokes

I was in a sеx shop looking at the inflatable dolls when the shop assistant came over, he said ” have you thought about purchasing the new Terrorist doll”? I said ” is it much different to the other inflatable dolls ?” he said ” yes they вlоw themselves up”.

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Sex Jokes

My girlfriend went through my laptop’s history and saw how many visits I had made to Роrnhuв…
In the argument that followed she asked me, “What makes роrn better than me?”
Because I can mute роrn was the only answer.

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Sex Jokes

I was talking to this girl in a club and the conversation moved on to the tattoos she had on either leg.
She told me: ‘One’s for when I’m a good girl, and one’s for when I’m a bad girl…’
To be honest I was looking for something in between the two.

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Sex Jokes

First, her fаnny is tight as fuск, a real struggle to get in, secondly she takes it over her face without any complaint (good girl) and thirdly the staff at Madame Tussaud’s are miserable fuскеrs with no sense of humour.

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Sex Jokes

Boy: Want to have sеx.
Girl: Yeah, I’ll be over on my dinosaur in one minute.
Boy: Dinosaurs don’t exist.
Girl: Neither do your chances at having sеx with me.

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They say TV adds 10 lbs. to you.
I think that’s why pornstars have massive соскs and I don’t.

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Sex Jokes

Apparently sеx seriously improves your memory.
I read that in a book.. Wait it was a magazine.. Actually I think it was the internet.

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Sex Jokes Internet Jokes

The first time we were having sеx, in the middle of it, she turns into this tigress. You know, she starts going, 'Talk to me, talk to me.' And I said, 'Hi, how are you? How's work?'

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Found my wife’s viвrатоr the other day.
Now I’m not saying it was big but I’m seriously thinking about entering it in Robot Wars.

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Sex Jokes

I’ve just been to the Scooby Doo раеdорhilе party.
And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids

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Kids Jokes Sex Jokes

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said,
"I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!"
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sеx?"
The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently.
"It's rust."

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Last year my mate found out that his sреrм count was too low to have a family and was devastated.
I offered to have sеx with his wife and they agreed.
He phoned me this morning and said “Look, you’ve been nailing my missus twice a day for the last six months and she’s still not pregnant, why”?
“Well, it may have something to do with the vasectomy I had two years ago” I replied

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The Smart Phone is now the Number 1 ranked hand held device.
The Реnis has slipped to second place.

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Sex Jokes

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop wanking.
I asked, “Why?”
She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

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Sex Jokes