Technology - Page 21

My brain is not equipped with fасiаl or name recognition technology.

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For her 87th birthday Ruth who was not acquainted with modern technology, was given a new cell phone by her son. After setting it up and showing her how to use it he went home and called her.
"How is your new phone working, Mom." Her reply astonished him. "Oh we took it back. It wouldn't work. It did not even have a cord."

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo mama so fат, her ID pic had to be taken in panoramic mode.

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Yo Momma Jokes Technology Jokes

All the brainy people that are making the technology and advancing things, they don't have any common sense... You always hear people get fooled by, like, car companies. 'Yeah, I got the new car. It's really safe, you know, because they crashed it in the wall with the test dummies, so it's safe.' That's not foolproof. You know why? Because crash test dummies don't tense up before impact. Let me tell you something, 'til they get a crash test duммy to go, 'Sh*t!' before it hits the wall, not doin' us any good.

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Technology Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Wife asks her husband to pass her a newspaper. He replies,
"Newspaper? Are yo really that behind reality? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper? Here, take my iPad instead."
The wife takes the iPad and uses it to кill a cockroach. Her husband faints.

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Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

My grandma has always been interested in technology, so when I got my new smart phone, she wanted me to show her some of its features.
The first thing I demonstrated to her is how to change the screen by swiping it.
I haven't seen grandma or my phone since.

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Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“Because i forgot where i put him.

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Jokes about Women Technology Jokes Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes

My aging father who definitely qualifies as your stereo typical “grumpy old man” hasn’t adjusted well to technology. Mistakenly I taught him how to send text messages.
After a week of pure mayhem and upsetting most every family member, he blames “auto correct” for putting words in his mouth. Apparently he doesn’t seem to understand that auto correct won’t fix an entire paragraph.

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Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

The place where I work decided to provide company-paid cell phones to the "suits" upstairs. After negotiating a deal with a cell phone company, we arranged for the phones to be sent to the homes of the various VIP's.
The day after delivery, I received a call from a partner screaming about how his cell phone didn't work. He said he charged it overnight just like the sheet said, but in the morning, it wouldn't power up.
I asked EXACTLY what he did with the phone when he got it. "I took it out, plugged the charger into the wall and into the phone."
"Did you put the battery in the phone?"
"Not the extra one."
"Sir, the phone only came with one battery."
(Pause) "Oh, I think I figured out what's wrong with it."

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes

A little girl waited patiently as child after child sat on Santa's knee when finally her turn came.
"And what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asked.
Shocked, she stood up and looked him in the eye and said,
"Didn't you get my text?"

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Technology Jokes Christmas Jokes

Sam: Hey John!
John: Hey!
Sam: Did you know Microsoft just bought Skype for ten million dollars?
John: Really!?
John: Idiots.... They could have downloaded it for free.

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Technology Jokes

My grandfather once told me my generation relied too much on technology, I screamed to him that his dos and unplugged his life support

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Technology Jokes Grandparent Jokes

Bill Gates walked into an APPLE store and farted but it was APPLE'S fault that they had no WINDOWS.

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Technology Jokes

Me: Siri, where is the best place to hide a body?
Siri: The second page of a Google search.

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Technology Jokes

What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer? They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.

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Technology Jokes

Pappu:My internet is not working properly.. O
Officer:Ok, Double click on “My computer”
Pappu:I can’t see ur computer..
Officer:No no.. click on “My computer” on ur computer..
Pappu:How can I click on ur computer from my computer?..
Officer:listen.. There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur computer.. Ok. double click on it..
Pappu:what the hеll, what is your computer doing on my computer..???
Officerouble click on ur computer..
Pappu:On which Icon i’ve to click..
Officer:
“My Computer”..
Pappu:…Oh u Idiот…… Tell me where is ur office…I’ll come there and click on ur “Computer.

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes

There is no "ctrl" button on Chuck Norris's computer.
Chuck norris is always in control

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Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Chuck Norris can play a PS3 with a Super Nintendo controller, and it works!

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris has no need for a TV remote.
He stares at his television, until it changes the channel.

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Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the store owner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the store owner.
"3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies,
"To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

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