Viagra jokes

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More money is spent on воов jobs and viаgrа than on alzheimer's research.
By 2040 the elderly will hae perky тiтs, stiff соскs, and no fuскing idea why!

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You know what happens when you give a politician Viаgrа?
He gets taller.

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Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viаgrа?
Now he's hard up.

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As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember:
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sеx in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viаgrа. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sеx.
14. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

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Q: What happens when you give Viаgrа to lawyers?
A: They grow taller!

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Q: Did you hear about the new Viаgrа eye-drops?
A: Apparently they make you look hard.

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A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viаgrа.
Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."

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So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for Viаgrа. The guy asks for a large dose of the strongest variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much.
The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks, "Why, is your d**k in that much pain?"
"No," says the guy, "it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!"

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Viagra jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman walks into her sеx thearapist’s office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and the rarely have sеx anymore, and asks what to do about it?
The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viаgrа that might do the trick.
She tells the woman to give him one pill that night, and come back in the morning to tell her what happens.
The next day the woman walks in ecstatic telling the therapist the viаgrа worked, and she and her husband had the best sеx ever.
She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills?
The therapist replies she dosn’t know but says to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist tha the sеx was even better than the night before.
She asks the therapist what whould happen if she gave him five pills?
The therapist once again tells her to give it a try.
The following day the woman comes back in LIMP BUT HAPPY, tells the therapist the sеx just keeps getting better and better.
She asks what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle?
The therapists tells her its a new drug and she doesn’t know what a full bottle would do to a person.
The woman leaves the office and puts the rest of the pills in her husbands morning coffee.
A week later a boy walks into the therapists office and asks: "Are you the “idiот” who gave my MOTHER a bottle of Viаgrа?"
"Why yes young man I did?"
"Why?"
"Well mom’s dead, my sister’s Pregnant, my A– Hurts, and Dad just sits in the corner going, 'here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty…'”

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Q: Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino?
A: One cup and you're up all night.

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Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viаgrа."
Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"

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New generic drug replacement for Viаgrа – it's called Mycoxaflopin.

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A parrot swallows a Viаgrа tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
"How come you are sweating?" he asks.
The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"

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What's the difference between the first honeymoon and the second?
First honeymoon, Niagara. Second honeymoon, Viаgrа.

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This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sеx for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sеx drive.”
The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viаgrа?”
The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viаgrа into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
The old lady was delighted.
She left the doctor’s office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned.
She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong.
She shook her head.
”How did it go?” the doctor asked.
”Terrible, doctor, terrible.”
”Did it not work?”
”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sеx that I’d had in 25 years.”
”Then what is the problem, ma’am?”
”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.

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A middle aged Irish woman went to her doctor to ask advice in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viаgrа?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop the Viаgrа tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it... Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
When she called the doctor he asked how it went and she exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! It was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you said and slipped it in his coffee and after just a few sips he jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!
With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Do you mean the sеx your husband provided wasn't good?"
"Bejaysus, it was the best sеx I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

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Did you hear about the theft at the Viаgrа factory?
The police are looking for some hardened criminals!

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Viаgrа + Eyedrops = ?
Why'd the man take Viаgrа eyedrops?
Because he wanted to look hard!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Viagra jokes

A frustrated wife got some Viаgrа for her husband. Her doctor told her to give him one pill a night, and that he would call to check in with her after a week.
That night, the wife popped one pill in her husband's food and got a good rogering.
The next night she gave him two pills. The sеx was even greater than the night before.
The following night she decided to give him the whole bottle. The sеx was unimaginable.
A week later, the doctor called to check on the patient. The couple's son answered the phone and sounded shaky. The doctor asked to speak to his mother. The son replied that his mother was in the hospital, the maid was pregnant, his вuтт was hurting, and his dad was standing nакеd in the front yard, yelling, "Here kitty, kitty...."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Viagra jokes

An elderly woman goes to the doctor for a checkup. She says, "Doctor, I haven't had sеx for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sеx drive."
The doctor asks, "Have you tried to give him Viаgrа?"
The lady frowns. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache."
The doctor says, "Crush the Viаgrа into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it in. He won't notice a thing."
Weeks later the old lady returns. The doctor asks, "How did it go?"
"Terrible, doctor, terrible. I did as you said, and he got up and ripped his clothes off right there. We made mad love on the table, and it was the best sеx I've had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem?"
"Well," she says. "I can't ever show my face in the diner again."

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