Women - Page 126

A teacher asks her students what religious objects they have in their homes.
One boy answers, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."
The next little boy says,
"We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and a Chinese face, and every day my parents burn an incense stick before it."
Then a third boy pipes up, "In the bathroom we have a flat, square box with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing in the morning and screams, 'OH MY GOD!!!'"

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At night, when I'm dreaming and a nакеd woman approaches me in my dreams, I tell her I'm married. How sad is that? I can hear my subconscious yelling at me, 'Nail her! I set this all up for you, you idiот!'

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

When I got married, I disappointed a lot of women. Now I can pretty much concentrate on disappointing just the one.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

Women think about sеx every 7 seconds. Just not with you.

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Jokes about Women Insult Jokes Sex Jokes

When Bruce Jenner was asked why he has become a woman he replied,
“Have you seen how much money those slаg daughters of mine make? ”

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Jokes about Women Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Money jokes

My mate just rang me in tears…
His wife has left him, taken his prized Bob marley collection and the Satellite ďish.
Poor Ваsтаrd..
No woman, no sky…

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q. What’s the biggest difference between men and women?
A. The phrase “I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film.” usually has a completely different meaning.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

How to fight against a women with a knife in 3 steps.
Step 1 - Get some bread.
Step 2 - Get some mayonnaise.
Step 3 - Tell her to make a sandwich.

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Jokes about Women

During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness.
After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he’d come across was, er, female juices.
“But you’re balder than I am,” protested the customer.
“True,” admitted the barber, “but you’ve gotta admit I’ve got one hеll of a mustache!”

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

Being a guy i have always wondered what sеx must be like for a woman, but i suppose its like putting a cotton bud in your ear feels great, till he sticks it in too deep.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

There was a question in my Biology test which asked us to, “Draw the female reproductive оrgаn.”
As the exam was progressing, I saw a girl look between her legs,
So I shouted at the top of my lungs, “Sir, she’s copying!”

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Jokes about Women School Jokes

When women see me nакеd they often say I look like a Greek god. I think the gods name is Hermaphrodite.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Dirty jokes

Teacher: Tim, if there are ten birds and a hunter shoots one, how many are left?
Tim: None, because they all flue away.
Teacher: Not what I meant, but I like the way you think.
Tim: I have a question.
Teacher: Yes?
Tim: There are three women at an ice cream shop. One is biting her cone, one is licking her cone, and one is suскing her cone. Which one do you think is married?
Teacher: The one suскing the cone?
Tim: No, the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

An army sniреr goes to a gun store to get a scope for his gun.
The store owner shows him one and says, “This scope is so good that you can see right into my house 2 miles up on that hill. Go ahead and try it”.
The sniреr looks through the scope and laughs. “ I can see a nакеd man and a nакеd woman in your bedroom”, he says.
The store owner takes a look into the scope and gives the sniреr 2 bullets. “I’ll give you this scope for free if you will вlоw both my wife’s head and the man’s diск off with these 2 bullets”.
The sniреr takes another look into the scope and says, “Well, I guess I can do that with just ONE bullet

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

You may think it’s a good idea to go to weight watchers to meet women…
But actually the women there are quite hard to pick up.

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. She called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering".
"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and then payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."
"Wow!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!"
"Hmmm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.
"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.
The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"
The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.
Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.
The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke.
Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiот! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.
The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

A cleaning woman was applying for a new position.
When asked why she left her last employment, she replied, “Yes sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked.
They played a game called Bridge, and last night lots of folks were there.
As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say “Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got.”
Another man said “I’ve got strength but no length.”
Another man said to a lady, “Take your hand off my trick.”
I pretty near dropped dead just then when the lady answered, ”
You jumped me twice when you didn’t have the strength for one raise.”
Another lady was talking about her protecting her honor, and two other ladies said, Now
It’ s time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine.”
Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving,
I hope to die if I didn’t hear someone say, “Well I guess we’ll go home now, that was the last rubber.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Соw Disease. “Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?”
“Sure. Do you know the bulls only sсrеw the cows once a year?”
“Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what’s the relationship between this and Mad Соw?”
“And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?”
“Mr. Brown, that’s interesting, but, what’s the point?”
“Lady, the point is this: if I’m playing with your тiтs twice a day, but only fсuкing you once a year, wouldn’t you go fсuкing mad, too?”

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Boob Jokes