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Jokes about Women

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The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I rареd didn't stand a chance.
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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes
How fast can a women drive? 68 mph.
If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.
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Jokes about Women Travel and Tourist Jokes
A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty.
His оrgаn is so large it hurts her to have sеx.
After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition.
‘Stuff that!’ says the woman.
‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Lawyer Jokes
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said,
"Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers.
He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."
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Το πιο άσχημο μωρό The baby Το άσχημο μωρό Една жена се качила в автобус с бебето си. Шофьорът казал: В автобусе едет женщина с ребёнком.Заходит пьяный мужик: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" Uma mulher entra no ônibus com seu filho e o motorista se espanta:,- Nossa, é o bebê mais feio que já vi!,A mulher ouve calada e senta na parte de trás do ônibus. Bufando, desabafa para outro passageiro:,- O motorista me insultou!,E o passageiro recomenda:,- Vá lá... I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then,... Wchodzi kobieta z czarnym dzieckiem na rękach do autobusu. - Fuj, jakie brzydkie dziecko - mówi kierowca autobusu. Kobieta oburzona, ba, wpieniona na maksa siada obok innego pasażera i mówi: - Słyszał pan? Jak tak można. Jaki niekulturalny, jaka... Kommt eine Frau mit ihrem Kind auf dem Arm in den Bus. Sagt der Busfahrer: "Mensch sie haben aber ein häßliches Kind!" Schockiert und immer noch verärgert setzt sich die Frau in den Bus. Ihr... På en buss i London satt en ung kvinna med sin baby i famnen när en berusad man klev på och stannade framför henne. Mannen tittade en lång stund på barnet och sa sedan så högt att alla i bussen... Met haar baby van zes dagen op de arm stapt Annie de bus in. "Dat is de lelijkste baby die ik ooit heb gezien!" zei de chauffeur, waarop Annie woedend achter in de bus plaatsneemt. De man naast... Annie stapt de bus in met haar pasgeboren baby op haar arm. Zegt de buschauffeur: 'Tering! Zo'n lelijk kind heb ik nog nooit gezien!' Annie wordt boos en gaat helemaal achterin de bus zitten. Een... En dame går på en buss med babyen sin. Bussjåføren sier: - Det er den styggeste babyen jeg noen gang har sett. Æsj!. Dama finner seg et sete og setter seg ned, mens hun furter. Hun snur seg til... O femeie cu un copil in brate se urca in autobuz. Soferul Zice: - Aoleu, asta e cel mai urit copil pe care l-am vazut Vreodata. Femeia Se duce in spatele autobuzului si se asaza pe scaun, Spumegind... Een vrouw staat samen met haar baby op de arm te wachten bij een bushalte. Als de bus aan komt en de vrouw instapt zegt de buschauffeur: "Dat is de lelijkste baby die ik ooit heb gezien!" De vrouw... En dame går på bussen med babyen sin, da bussjåføren utbryter: - «Det er den styggeste babyen jeg noen gang har sett. Æsj!» Damen går bak i bussen, setter seg ned og er rasende. «Sjåføren fornærmet... Kadın bebeğiyle otobüse binerken otobüs şöförü kendini tutamayıp şöyle demiş: - Aman tanrım ne kadar çirkin bir bebek... Kadın sinirle biletini kutuya basmış, en arka tarafa geçmiş, bir adamın... A lady boards the bus with her baby. The bus driver looks at the baby and says "that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!" The lady finds a seat and she is mad as hell. She tells the guy in the seat... A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says, "That’s the ugliest child I have seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, “Go say something back. Here,... Uma Senhora estava sentada com o seu filhinho no colo, na poltrona do ônibus, quando chegou um cavalheiro e sentou ao lado dela, quando ele olhou para a criança, ficou espantado e falou: "Virgem... En kvinde kommer ind i en bus med en baby på armen... Chaufføren kigger længe på ungen og udbryder: "Hold da kæft en grim unge" Kvinden sætter sig bagest i bussen, mens hun er ved at koge over af... Moteris su mažu vaiku įlipa į mikroautobusą. Vairuotojas imdamas pinigus, dėbteli į vaiką: - Nieko sau! Tokios baidyklės dar nematęs! Keleivė skubiai pereina į mikroautobuso galą ir susinervinus...
Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes Ugly Jokes
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
A young woman all excited called up her local police department and said,
"I have a sеx maniac in my apartment!"
The officer at the other end said,
"We'll be right over lady."
The woman said,
"Can you wait till morning?"
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Police Officer Jokes
A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining
It to a prospective patient. He told her, “I’ll install a special sсrеw in the top
Of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need
A little tuck, we’ll just tighten the sсrеw a little,… and the wrinkles will disappear!”
The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, “GO FOR IT!” The surgery
Was a resounding success, and the woman went home happy.
A few months later, the woman returned in a great state of agitation.
She pointed to her face and said, “Just look at these bags under my eyes!
Where the hеll did they come from?”
The surgeon looked at her closely and said,
“Those aren’t BAGS under your eyes.
Those are your вrеаsтs.
And if you keep messing around with that sсrеw,… pretty soon you’ll have a goatee!”
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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Men jokes
A мurdеr has been committed.
Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.
The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"
"Yes."
"Did you hit her with that golf club?"
"Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.
"How many times did you hit her?"
"I don't know. Five... Six ... Put me down for a five."
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE."
It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York.
So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE."
The policeman arrested her on the spot.
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'.
Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes
Woman patient:
"Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die."
Doctor:
"You did the right thing to call me."
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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
What does a drunк walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party?
They're both out looking for a tight seal.
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Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes
Doctor to woman patient:
"Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him."
Patient:
"But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
Man, to woman, ‘Do you want sеx?’
Woman, ‘Your place or mine?’
Man, ‘Well, if you’re going to argue.
Forget it.’
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes
A guy dials his home phone number from work.
A strange woman answers.
The guy says,
"Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don’t have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.
He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jеrк she’s with."
The maid puts down the phone.
The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?”
"
"Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Phone jokes
Whats six inches long, has a head on it and drives women wild ?
A fifty pound note !
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
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