Women - Page 87

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

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A man and a woman have just had their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband turns to his wife and asks, "What do you want to do to celebrate our anniversary dear?" She replies,
"Let's run upstairs and make love." He turns to her and says,
"Well make up your mind, we can't do both!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman. It doesn't matter if its visa or master card.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Their was four women right? and they all had a counsling session together. it was a class for addictions. so the coulsler guy turns to the group. " ok all of your addictions reflect in the name of your child." he looks at the first lady... your addicted to money theirfor your doughters name is penny. he turns to the second one. your addicted to food, and so your doughers name is kandi, he turns to the third one, and your adicted to метh, and ur doughters name is cristal, then he turns to the fourth women, and before he could say a word the lady stands up and says stop. then she grabs her sons hand and begins to leave... "c'mon diск were leaving".

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

An apartment building is on fire. Firefighters are on the scene, however both their ladder and life net are broken. A star quarterback sees the commotion and asks, "What's happening? Can I help?" The fire chief says,
"There's a mother and baby stuck in the building on the 19th floor! The mother is up there in the window. Can you catch her child?" The mother frantically waves down to the men below and the football player shouts up to her, "Go ahead, I'm ready!" He holds his arms out and the women drops the infant. Just when the quarterback deftly catches the child, he spikes it to the ground yelling, "TOUCHDOWN!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asks him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies,
"The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, he turns the light on and when I'm finished, he turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what her husband said. She replied, "Dамn it! The old fаrт's been рissing in the ice box again!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man,
"Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says,
"We're from Nebraska."
Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?"
The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from."
"Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the worst piece of аss I ever had was from Nebraska."
The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?"
The husband replies,
"He thinks he knows you, mama."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice:
"If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said,
"Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Dad Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison. They committed a сriме and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and кill them. The brunette is called up. She says,
"Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette runs away. Once regrouped, the redhead is summoned. She says,
"Ready, aim, earthquake!" Fooled again, the police quickly turn around to get cover while the redhead runs away. Then it's the blonde's turn, who says,
"Ready, aim, fire!"

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

TEACHER: I shot Five Birds, Two of them are dead. how many are left??
STUDENT: None. The others flew away bcoz of the sound of the gun.
TEACHER: No, It's a Math problem.. but I like your Style..
STUDENT: So, I have a question for you teacher... Three women were eating ice cream. One of them is Licking it. The other one, Suскing it and the Last one, Biting it.. Which one is Married??
TEACHER: The Suскing One.
STUDENT: No, The one with the ring on her finger, But I like your Style...

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Math Jokes

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said:
"Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

A man goes to a sтriр club with an alligator. He says,
"I bet you that I can put my diск into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his diск into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute. After 1 minute, he hits the alligator on the head with a вееr bottle, and he opens his mouth. To everyone's surprise, his diск is unharmed. "Now, before you buy me drinks, does anybody else want to try?" After a while, someone in the back finally raises their hand. It's a woman. "I guess I can try," she says,
"But you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a вееr bottle."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

After fighting some сriме, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman nакеd on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sеx, and be out again before she knew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked,
"Did you hear something?"
"No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my аss sure hurts like hеll!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said,
"Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sеx with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said,
"I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

I had sеx with a Chinese woman last night. It was great, but an hour later I was STILL hоrny!

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,
"Do you know what your аsshоlе is doing while you're having an оrgаsм?" She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

A mom of an eight year old boy is awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he runs in, he says he needs to talk to her about making babies. He claims he knows about the development of a fetus, but doesn't understand the answer to the million dollar question. Namely, how does the sреrм get into the woman? The mom asks the boy what he thinks the answer is. The boy says that the sреrм is manufactured in the man's stomach, rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth, where he then kisses the woman and deposits the sреrм into her mouth. The mom tells her boy that it is a good guess, but it's wrong. She gives him a hint by telling him that the sреrм comes out of the man's реnis. Suddenly, the boy's face becomes quite red and he says,
"You mean you put your mouth on that thing?"

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Why do women wear раnтiеs with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

One day people boarded an airplane, two hours into the flight the pilot announces they are going to crash and there is no chance for survival. Just after a woman jumps up and asked if there is any man that can make her feel like a woman one last time before she's dies. A man gets up rips off his shirt throws it at her an says here iron this.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

One day a woman was working at a sреrм bank when an armed and masked robber bursts in demanding money. The woman has no money and says"sir you do realize this is a sреrм bank right?" the man replies "fine then take me to where you keep the sреrм or I will shoot you" the girl directs him to the vault and the man says" I want you to drink one." reluctantly the women drinks the sреrм and the man says "drink another one" so she does after she's done the man pulls off his mask and says"see honey it's not that hard"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes