Work Jokes, Office Jokes

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get sсrеwеd!"

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A couple, both age 67, went to a sеx therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sеxuаl inтеrсоursе?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have inтеrсоursе," and charged them $32.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have inтеrсоursе with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32, and I get $28 back from Medicare."

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Office and Work Jokes

A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood. When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops соw patties on her floor.
He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up."
The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?"
The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!"
The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes

Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral?
There are only two handles on a garbage can.

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Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Funeral jokes Lawyer Jokes

Why are lawyers buried 10 feet underground?
Because deep down, they're really not that bad!

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: What do you call a рrоsтiтuте with her hands under her skirt?
A: Self-employed.

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What does the baker have under his apron?
A: Dough nuts.

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Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes

Eddie came to work Monday and his co-workers asked him how his weekend was. He said he played a little golf. So his co-worker asked him how well he did.
"I hit two of my best ваlls," he said.
"Tell me about it," said his co-worker.
"I stepped on a rake."

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Office and Work Jokes

Michael Jackson, his lawyer, and a small, cute boy are on a plane when the plane suddenly develops engine troubles.
"Bad news," the lawyer said. "There are only two parachutes. You and me will go."
"What about the boy?" asks Michael.
"Sсrеw the boy!"
"Do we have time?"

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Tony Brown: Troy Aiken's Contract:
I'd've said, 'How much you want, Troy - $12 million? You crazy? Wait a minute, let me look - alright, I'm gonna give you $12 million, but when the game starts, all you're gonna have is a center and a wide receiver. You say you want some blocking? You got enough money; you better get some.

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Office and Work Jokes

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.
He asked her where she was going, and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas. I just found out that as a woman, I can make $400 a night doing what I do with you for free."
He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.
His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
"I''m going, too!" he replied.
"Why?" she asked.
"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

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Office and Work Jokes

The strident prosecutor begins:
''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the State will prove that this defendant did in fact discard his breeches and insert his member into the innocent sheep; that he did еjасulате into said sheep and remove his member, whereupon this sheep turned around and licked his member clean.''
Then one member of the jury turned and whispered to the other juror and said, ''The good ones will do that you know."

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Office and Work Jokes

A lawyer dies and goes to the end of a long line at the Pearly Gates. To his surprise, St. Peter leaves his desk, walks over and greets him warmly. An angel takes the lawyer by the hand, guides him to the front of the line and settles him into a comfortable chair.
The lawyer says, "I appreciate all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replies, "Well, we've added up all the hours that you billed your clients, and by my calculation, you must be about 193 years old!"

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Internal Transfer:
I'd like to make an internal transfer.

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Office and Work Jokes

Q: Four lawyers drive a minivan over a cliff. What's the tragedy?
A: The minivan could've held eight lawyers.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?
Both offer very little support!

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Office and Work Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

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Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he''s dead.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one sтrоке, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.
''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''
''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''
''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Lawyer Jokes Golf jokes