Office and Work Jokes

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I've seen these before but they're still funny :lol:
What is your date of birth?
July fifteenth.
What year?
Every year.
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This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
Yes.
And in what ways does it affect your memory?
I forget.
You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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All your responses must be оrаl, okay? What school did you go to?
Oral.
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How old is your son - the one living with you.
Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
How long has he lived with you?
Forty-five years.
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What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
And why did that upset you?
My name is Susan.
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Sir, what is your IQ?
Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
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Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
We both do.
Voodoo?
We do.
You do?
Yes, voodoo.
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Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
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The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
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Were you present when your picture was taken?
Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
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Did he кill you?
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How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
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You were there until the time you left, is that true?
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How many times have you committed suicide?
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So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Yes.
And what were you doing at that time?
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She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there any girls?
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You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
I went to Europe, sir.
And you took your new wife?
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How was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?
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Can you describe the individual?
He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male, or a female?
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Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
The autopsy started around 8:30 p. M.
And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
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Блондинка постъпила на работа в офис. Thermoskanne Οι καφέδες Ο θερμός Κρύο και ζεστό блондинка приходит в магазин и видит незнакомый предмет: - что это?... Блондинка вижда термос в колегата си. A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf. Blondynka wchodzi do sklepu i jej uwagę przyciąga błyszczący obiekt na półce, zaciekawiona pyta sprzedawcę: - Co to jest? - Termos - odpowiada sprzedawca. - Do czego służy - pyta znów blondynka. - Pomaga utrzymać gorące rzeczy gorącymi, natomiast zimne zimnymi - objaśnia sprzedawca. Blondynka... A loira foi contratada como secretária de um empresa. Já no pirmeiro dia, o chefe pediu para providenciar café para o pessoal. ansiosa por agradar o chefe, ela foi até o bar com a garrafa... Πηγαίνει μια ξανθιά σε μια καφετέρια με ένα θερμός στο χέρι και ρωτάει το μπάρμαν : - Χωράει αυτό το θερμός πέντε καφέδες; - Ναι, της λέει εκείνος. - Ωραία. Βάλε μου τρεις εσπρέσσο, ένα φραπέ με...
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Der Landstreicher vor Gericht Zwei Nonnen sehen gespannt einer Henne zu, die einem Hahn entkommen will. Die Henne flattert auf die Straße, geradewegs vor ein Auto, das sie überfährt. Seufzt die Nonne: "Sie hat lieber den Freitod gewählt." Richter zum Angeklagten: "Wann arbeiten sie eigentlich?" "Dann und wann." "Und was arbeiten sie?" "Dies und das." "Und wo?" "Hier und dort." "Ok, Sie kommen ins Gefängnis!" "Und wann komm ich wieder raus?" "Früher oder später!" Richter: "Angeklagter, wann arbeiten Sie eigentlich?" "Dann und wann." "Und was?" "Dies und das." "Und wo?" "Hier und dort." "Gut, Sie kommen ins Gefängnis." "Und wann werde ich wieder entlassen?" "Früher oder später." A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time. Judge: “Where do you work?” Defendant: “Here and there.” Judge: “What do you do for a... Domaren till den åtalade: - Har du stulit nåt tidigare? Den åtalade: - Då och då. Domaren: - Varifrån har du stulit? Den åtalade: - Här och där. Domaren: - Sätt honom i fängelse. Den åtalade:... En mann ble arrestert for å ha slått ned to personer i beruset tilstand. I rettsalen dagen etter spør dommeren: «hvor jobber du?» Mannen svarte «her og der.» Dommeren spurte så «hva jobber du... A rendőr a razzia során így szól egy huligánhoz: - Hol a munkahelye? - Erre-arra. - Dolgozik egyáltalán? - Egyszer-másszor. - És mit? - Ezt-azt. - Őrizetbe veszem! - És mikor engednek ki? -... Две монахини наблюдават кокошка, опитваща се да избяга от петел. Кокошката изкача на улицата, и една кола я блъска. Монахинята въздъхва: „Тя предпочете да избере самоубийството, пред ОНОВА“.
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Lawyer Experiments Anwälte ersetzen Ratten Two Scientists were working late discussing ideas about behavior modification studies. Porque razon los cientificos ocupan cada vez mas abogados que ratas en sus experimentos ? 1) Hay mas abogados que ratas. 2) Nadie va a reclamar porque mates un abogado de mas. 3) La anatomia de los... I USA kommer man att börja använda advokater som försöksdjur i stället för råttor. Det blir inga protester för det är ingen som tycker att advokater är gulliga... Det finns alldeles för många. De... - O Instituo Pasteur anunciou que eles não vão mais usar ratos em experiências médicas. No lugar dos ratos, eles vão usar advogados. Eles tiveram três razoes para tomar esta decisão: - 1. Existem... I Californien er man begyndt at bruge advokater som forsøgsdyr i stedet for rotter. Det er der 3 grunde til: 1. Der er flere advokater end rotter 2. Det er ikke alt, man kan få rotter til 3. Der er... В Калифорния започнаха да използват адвокати като експериментални животни вместо плъхове, поради 2 причини: 1. Имат повече адвокати, отколкото плъхове 2. Няма риск лабораторните техници да се... Miksi tiedemiehet käyttävät kokeissaan rottia asianajajien asemasta? Rotilla on inhimmillisempi katse.
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