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Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.
Today I’m putting a cockroach in the bathroom.
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Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No, you are not."
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Спират един шофьор и го глобяват за превишена скорост.
Одого мужика застукали за пpевышение скоpости. Полицейский оштpафовал его на кpугленькую сумму и выписал мужику квитанцию.
- Co mam zrobić z tym kwitkiem? - pyta kierowca
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
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I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
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Warum sind Junggesellen schlanker?
Unterschied verheiratet oder nicht
Gewichtsproblem
Γιατί οι παντρεμένες γυναίκες είναι πιο παχουλές από τις ανύπαντρες;
Οι παντρεμένοι
ΠΑΝΤΡΕΜΕΝΟΙ ΚΑΙ ΕΡΓΕΝΗΔΕΣ
Το φως του μπάνιου...
Παντρεμένοι-Ανύπαντροι
Въпрос:
Защо женените мъже надебеляват?
Γιατί ο παντρεμένος άντρας ειναι πιο παχύς από έναν εργένη;
Каква е разликата между омъжена и неомъжена жена?
Защо ергените са по слаби от оженените?
Zwei ehemalige Schulkameraden treffen sich nach 30 Jahren wieder.
- En fait c'est très simple :
Um sujeito gordo e outro magro conversavam. Diz o gordo: — Como é que você consegue se manter assim
Pourquoi les hommes mariés prennent-ils du poids
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home
¿Por qué un soltero esta más flaco que un casado? Porque el soltero va a la nevera y como no le gusta lo que ve va a la cama. En cambio el casado va a la cama y como no le gusta lo que ve va a...
Warum sind Junggesellen schlanker und Ehemänner dicker? Der Junggeselle kommt Nachhause
Hvorfor er det at gifte kvinder de vejer meget mere end single kvinder? – Det er selvfølgelig fordi at single kvinder kommer hjem
Singelkvinnor kommer hem
Minkä takia parisuhteessa elävät naiset ovat yleensä lihavampia kuin sinkkunaiset? - Kun sinkkunaiset ensin katsovat
Varför väger gifta kvinnor mer än singelkvinnor? Singelkvinnor kommer hem
Jaka jest różnica między mężczyzną kawalerem
Om welke reden zouden de getrouwde vrouwen steeds verzwaren
Pourquoi les célibataires sont maigres ? et pourquoi les hommes mariés sont gros ? Tout simplement parce que le célibataire
Waarom zijn getrouwde vrouwen over het algemeen dikker dan vrouwen die vrijgezel zijn? Vrouwen die vrijgezel zijn komen thuis
Quelle est la différence entre un célibataire Maigre et un homme marié gros ? - Quand le célibataire rentre chez lui
Vet du hva forskjellen på en gift og en singel mann er? En singel mann kommer trøtt og sliten hjem og sjekker hva som er i kjøleskapet før han legger seg i sengen. En gift mann kommer hjem og ser...
Miksi naimisissa olevat naiset ovat lihavampia kuin sinkut? - Kun sinkkunainen tulee kotiin
P: Pq o homem casado é mais gordo q o homem solteiro ? Pq o homem solteiro chega em casa
Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
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Wenn ich Namen von Liebespaaren in Bäume eingeritzt sehe
Als ik de namen van geliefden in een boom zie gegraveerd
Когато видя имената на влюбените
Όταν βλέπω τα ονόματα των εραστών χαραγμένα σε ένα δέντρο
Why do some people think it’s cute when lovers carve their names into a tree? I personally think taking a knife on a date is a bit creepy.
Cand vad numele Indragostitilor si inimioare sculptate pe copaci nu Mi se pare totusi atat de romantic. Ma gandesc Ca e chiar ciudat cum de atat de multi oameni pleaca La intalnire cu cutitul dupa...
Liebespaaren ritzen deren Namen in Bäume. Aber warum bringt da überhaupt jemand ein Messer mit zum Date?
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.
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Παραμύθια
- Тате
- Papá
Син питає в батька: — Тату
— Pai
How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era? "If elected
A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?"
"No," he replied. "A whole lot of them begin with 'If elected, I promise ...'"
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- Тате
Баща и син на нощен риболов. Синът поглежда към нощното небе и пита баща си: - Тате
Отец с сыном на ночной рыбалке. Сын смотрит в ночное небо и спрашивает отца: - Пап
– “Dad, how do stars die?”
– “Usually an overdose.”
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Уборщица говорит управляющему банком:
Краят на работния ден в голяма търговска банка. Чистачката плахо чука на вратата на директора:
Städerskan till bankchefen: - Jo
Kommt die Putzfrau zum Chef der Bank: "Können Sie mir bitte mal den Tresorschlüssel geben?" "Hä? Was ... wie ... warum denn?" "Ach
The cleaning lady comes to the bank manager...
"Can you please give me the key of the safe vault?"
"What?! What for?"
"It's always so time consuming to have to use my hairpin in order to clean it!"
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Какво пише на гроба на стоматолог?
Wat staat er op het graf van een tandarts? .... Hier is z'n laatste gat gevuld!
What is written on a dentist’s grave?
He’s filling his last cavity.
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The awkward moment when you mispronounce organism in science class.
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- Докторе
- Доктор
I asked my doctor today how long he thought this COVID thing will last...
He said, “How should I know, I’m a doctor not a politician.”
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"Madam, your husband must have absolute rest."
"Well, Doctor, he won't listen to me."
"A very good beginning, madam, a very good beginning."
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As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked her the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my text?"
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A priest put up a signboard outside his church saying, "I pray for all."
A lawyer passing by wrote underneath, "I plead for all."
"I prescribe for all," scribbled a doctor.
"And I pay for all!" added a citizen.
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Mother: I think our son is going to be an astronaut.
Father: What makes you think that?
Mother: I spoke to his teacher today. She said he is taking up space.
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“The bakery was so wrapped up in decorating for Christmas that they even decorated their website's cookies.”
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I went to the doctors recently. He said,
"Don't eat anything fatty."
I said,
"What, like bacon and burgers?"
He said,
"No, I mean you, Fatty, don't eat anything!"
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