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Redneck jokes

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Anant to his redneck friend, "Take care bro. Keep your curtains close while fuскing your wife. Yesterday afternoon, all street people enjoyed watching while you were sсrеwing!"
Redneck to Anant, "Shut up. Yesterday, I was out of town."
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So a woman walks into a bar with her goose and gets a drink, moments later after being there a drunк man walks up and asks her :
"Where did you get that Pig"
And She says :
"I'll have you know this is a goose"
And the drunк man says :
" I know, I was talking to the goose!"
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Redneck asked his friend Anant " I want to divorce my wife and marry her sister. She must be hot in bed. What do you think ?
Anant - Don't make mistake. Both are same while fuuking. There is no difference"
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Redneck goes into a doctors Anant and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sеx!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor anant asks.
"Well, twice a day I have sеx with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says dr anant.
"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sеx with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor.
"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sеx with my neighbour pakistani lady, TWICE a day," says the redneck
"Well, that's definitely to much", says the dr Anant. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand."
"I do", says the redneck. "Twice a day !!!
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What do rednecks say after sеx?
Thanks mom
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You might be a redneck if you go to a family reunion looking for a wife.
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Redneck: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender Anant gives him a drink.
Redneck again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.
Anant again gives him a drink.
Redneck again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.
Anant: When on earth the fight will start?
Redneck: When you will ask for money !!!
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An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.
The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"
The kid replies,
"I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."
The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."
A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.
"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"
The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."
A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."
The old man cannot believe his eyes.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"
The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some рussy willow."
The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son... While I get my hat!"
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I heard this one from an old sailor
A girl walks into her trailer and says,
"Pa! I need to borrow the tractor to go up to the store and buy me some cigarettes."
Her Pa says,
"Alright, but you gonna have to work for it."
"What do I have to do," asked the girl. "You gonna have to вlоw me if you want that tractor."
"Alright Pa," says the girl.
The girl starts suскing her Pa's diск. A second later she say, "Ew Pa, your diск taste like shiт!"
Her Pa replies,
"Sorry, your brother borrowed the tractor this morning."
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Redneck puts in his resignation infront of his american boss
Boss: Why are you leaving? Redneck: I have vaginal problems.
Boss : But you're a man!
Redneck: That I am, Sir. But you are a VАGINА!
Happy Boss Day.....!!!!!
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Redneck was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Anant, walked over and asked,
"What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," Redneck replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Anant said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah, sure," Redneck answered. "But not everybody gets theirs pregnant!"
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You don't need a college degree to be a FARMER!
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You know you are a redneck if your address and your license plate number are the same
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The great thing about a redneck divorce is that you can still be cousins afterwards.
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If you go to a demolition derby.. and you BOTH liked it. You might be a redneck
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A Redneck scientist is on project about cockroach and its behavior.
He puts cockroach on table n shouts RUN. it starts running.
He picks it again and cuts out front 2 legs n shouts RUN . Cockroach again runs this time slower.
He then chop out his 2 middle legs and shouts RUN. Cockroach scrambles it very slowly.
He then chops remaining 2 legs and shouts RUN. Poor creature don't move at all.
He summarises in end - Cockroach becames deaf if you chopout his legs .....!!!!!
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Got damnnn dem dare ding f*ckin over dare unda dat sum b*tch
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You mite be a redneck if you like to were belt bukles but do not were pants
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