Animal Jokes - Page 22

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: He was stuck to the chicken's foot.

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A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?"
"Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!

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Thanksgiving Jokes Animal Jokes

Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A drunк guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"

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Pet Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A man who is concerned about his wife cheating on him wants to catch her in the act.
He doesn’t have enough money to hire a PI, so he goes to a pet shop.
There he asks the clerk if he has a parrot for sale.
The clerk shows him the last parrot he has: “This is the last parrot I have for sale. He doesn’t have any legs, but he is very smart.”
The man asks, “If he doesn’t have any legs, how does he stay on the perch?”
“He holds on with his diск.” the clerk answered.
The man asks ” How much?”
“Since he doesn’t have any legs, I’ll sell him to you for fifty bucks.”
The suspicious man purchases the talking bird and takes him home.
He sets up the cage in his bedroom where he can see everything; he then instructs the parrot to watch what ever goes on in the room and inform him when he gets home from work.
So the next morning he leaves for work and his wife stays home, as usual.
When the man gets home from work, as his wife is cooking supper, he asks the parrot to tell him what went on during the day.
The parrot begins, “At eight o’clock this morning the mailman came….”
Interrupting the man asks, “Yeah and what happened?”
“he came in the house…”
Furiously, the man asked “And then”
“…and then he came into the bedroom…”
Astounded the man impatiently asks, “What happened next?”
“He began to take off his clothes and she hers…” “What happened after that!”
The parrot then replied, “I don’t know I sprung a воnеr and fell off!”

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Pet Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Parrot jokes Cheating Jokes

Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!

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Yo Momma Jokes Animal Jokes Stupid Jokes Dog jokes

Their was a camel and elephant, the elephant said to the camel.
"How come you have your тiтs on your back?" and the camel got offended so he told the elephant.
"Well why do you have your diск on your face?"

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Boob Jokes

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sеx with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about оrаl sеx?"
"Gingivitis."
"Аnаl sеx?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."

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Fishing Jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!

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Animal Jokes News and Politics Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Funny Poems

A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased.
"This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop.
"My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop.
"But how do we know which is which?"
They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea.
"Lets cut off this ones tail"
The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail.
The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad.
The two cops see this and ask whats wrong.
"You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!"
"But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart."
"Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one?!"

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Police Officer Jokes Animal Jokes Boss Jokes

There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it.
Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks.
So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a вееr and he ask the Bartender about the contest.
The Bartender tells him that whoever makes the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free вееr on the house.
So this guy whisper something to the horse and the horse rolls over and laughing!
EEEHHH!
He takes the P5,000 from the Bartender, drinks a lot of вееr.
As he is about to leave the Bartender ask him, "Will you be back tomorrow when we'll have a new contest?"
The guy replies" Of course this is easier money than my career."
So the next night.
The guy walks into the Bar with a large smile and reads the sign next to the Horse:
Whoever makes the Horse cry will win P10,000 and free вееr from the house.
The Bartender tells the guy," Let me see you win this one."
The guy approaches the Horse and shows him something.
The Horse starts rolling on the ground and crying.
When the guy goes to claim his prize. The Bartender says."
Before I pay you, You have to tell me what you did to the horse?"
The guy lights a cigarette and says," Easy the first time, I told the Horse that my реnis is larger than his, the second time I showed him."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes

Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo."
"Oh my, which way is it heading?"
"Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"

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Animal Jokes

Yo momma's so fат...
The animals at the zoo feed her.

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Yo Momma Jokes Animal Jokes Fat Jokes

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland.
The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."
"No, no, no!" says the physicist.
"Only some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."

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Scottish Jokes Animal Jokes Math Jokes

Q: Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
A: For kitty littering.

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Pet Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet.
What are they thinking?
The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet.
He doesn’t want to talk.
May be he’s get tired of me.
He doesn’t love me anymore.
He’s probably got someone else.
I see.
We’ll have to separate each other."
The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling.
Wow!
How keep it there and don’t fall?"

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Love Jokes

A bloke walks into a bar in the bush to discover a 44 gallon drum almost overflowing with $20 notes.
He sits at the bar and orders a вееr.
A short while later one of the locals gets up, throws $20 into the drum and walks out the back.
He soon returns shaking his head disgruntled and sits down.
Five more minutes pass when another local does exactly the same.
The bloke asks the bartender what is the go with the drum full of 20's .
The bartender says that they have a donkey out the back that has never laughed in its life.
So you simply throw in the $20 and have a go, if the donkey laughs then the drum and its contents are yours.
Been going ten years so far.
The young bloke gets up, throws his 20 into the drum and proceeds out the back.
Within seconds the donkey his laughing its head off.
As he strolls back inside all the locals ask what he did but he won't say and simply takes the drum full of cash and leaves.
10 years goes past and the young bloke decides to pay the pub another visit.
This time he sees a drum overflowing with $50 notes in the middle of the room.
He goes up to the bar tender and asks again what the deal is with the drum.
The bartender says that they have the same donkey still out the back and seeing as he had made it laugh, the deal was you now had to make it cry but it was a 50 not a 20.
The young bloke gets up, throws in his 50 and goes out the back.
About a minute later the donkey is crying his eyes out and the young man returns to the bar.
The locals beg him to tell them how he has done it as it has cost them a fortune attempting it.
The young bloke says that to make him laugh he told the donkey his member was вiggеr than the donkeys.
Everyone sighed and understood how easy that was and why didn't they think of it.
Now they demanded to know what tactic he had used to make the donkey cry so miserably.
The young bloke replied that it was quite simple as well, he just showed it to him.

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