Beer Jokes - Page 17

Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes God Jokes Food Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes Sex Jokes Beer Jokes

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

0 0

One-Liner Jokes Beer Jokes

A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really lookind rough. the doc says,
"What happened?" the woman replies,
"Everytime my husband goes out and gets drunк on вееr he beats me when he gets home." the doc thinks for a minute and says,
"I have a remedy for that... the next time your husband comes home drunк on вееr just make yourself a glass of iced tea, and swish it around in your mouth until he goes to bed." the woman goes home. two weeks later she returns to her doctor. the doc says,
"You look great, did you try my advice?" the woman replies,
"Yes i did, but how did you know it would work?" he tells her "see what happens when you keep your mouth shut for a change?"

0 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Beer Jokes

Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?
- Oh Harry, that would be lovely!
- Wonderful. Could you bring me some вееr and cigarettes on your way back?

0 0

Beer Jokes

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar. I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art. He said:
“Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!”
“No it’s because you’re drinking MY вееr!“

0 0

Beer Jokes

If I ever go missing, you should put my picture on вееr rather than milk bottles. This way, my friends will find me faster.

0 0

Beer Jokes

An American guy, a French guy, and a Scottish guy go for a вееr. All their beers, by some coincidence or other, arrive with a fly in it.
The American pushes the вееr away in disgust.
The French guy fishes out the fly and drinks the вееr.
The Scotsman takes the fly out by the wing and yells at it, “Spit it out, spit it out now ya little hussy!!!”

0 0

Old People Jokes Scottish Jokes American Jokes Beer Jokes

A couple goes to a restaurant and the wife excuses herself to go to the bathroom. In the meantime, the waiter approaches to take their order.
The husband says, “I’ll have a вееr.”
The waiter asks: “And what about your wife? Do you want a вееr for her?”
Man: “You know what, that’s a fair trade. Deal!”

0 0

Waiter Jokes Good jokes Beer Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Two underpans meet for a вееr.
“Why are you so brown?” asks one.
“Don’t ask. It was a really сrаррy week.”

0 0

Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Good jokes Beer Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He asks the bartender for a вееr, and one for the road.

0 0

Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Beer Jokes

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking вееr when suddenly Bubba says:
"Think I'm gonna divorce the wife... she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of вееr and says:
"Better think it over... women like that are hard to find."

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

What is a redneck's last words?
Hold my вееr and watch this!

0 0

Redneck jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Beer Jokes

How to give a cat a pill.
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.
3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat.
Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and вlоw down straw.
7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a вееr to take away the taste.
Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.
8. Tie the little angel's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table.
Find heavy pruning gloves from shed.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
Be rough about it.
Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye.
Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hеll and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

0 0

Pet Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Drug Jokes Wine jokes Beer Jokes

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his вееr away in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the fly out of his вееr, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the вееr, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!"

0 0

Drinking and Drunk Jokes Scottish Jokes Beer Jokes

What is a trees favorite drink?
Root вееr!

0 0

Food Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes Beer Jokes

Come from an Irish family. St. Patrick's Day was our big holiday. The night before, we'd hang up our stockings. In the morning, they'd be full of вееr.

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes St. Patrick's Day jokes Beer Jokes