Blonde Jokes - Page 14

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root вееr pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever sтuрid thing you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

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The bride lay in bed on the first night of their honeymoon while her husband stood at the bedroom window, gazing at the stars.
"Come to bed, darling," she whispered after some time had passed.
"Not likely," replied the blonde groom, "my mother told me that this would be the best night of my life and I'm not going to miss a minute of it."

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Blonde Jokes

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.
"What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."
At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.
It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"

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Blonde Jokes

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!" The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You моrоn! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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Blonde Jokes

One day a blonde walked into a barber shop and asked for a hair cut. when the barber asked her how she wanted it she said any way, just don't take of my headphones. She went into the barber shop every day for a month and told the barber the same thing every day. One day the barber decided to see what would happen when he took off the headphones. When he did the blonde grabbed her neck then fell over dead. When the barber listened to the headphones they were saying breathe in breathe out....

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Blonde Jokes Hairdresser Jokes

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde bought an a.
m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A: A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q: Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just for blondes?
A: It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.
Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A: They're refuelling.
Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn't want one for nights.
Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.
Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A: She was last years hide and seek winner.
Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A: A blonde trying to put it out.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown соw?
A: To get chocolate milk.

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop. The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins. The horse doesn't stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down. She doesn't know what to do. Finally the Wal-Mart manager comes and unplugs it.

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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

A husband is driving with her blonde wife, the husband says "Can you stick your head out the window if the blinker works?" T
hen the blonde sticks her head out the window and replies, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..".

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Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,
"No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."
"Why is that," the host asked?
Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ... Anyone can!"

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Blonde Jokes

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left". Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left". One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

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Blonde Jokes Military Jokes

A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road. He stops. And he asks him:
- Hey, What happens to you?
- (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car.
- Well, don't care and buy another car.
- Look inside the car!
- Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all.
- Look inside her mouth!!!

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Dirty jokes Car and driving jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Two men,one a brunette and the other a blonde,were comparing their luck picking up girls at the beach. The brunette guy says,
"what works for me is this : go to a grocery store, buy a potato and put it in your swim trunk."
The blonde guy thanks him and spends the next 5 hours roaming the beach with a potato in his swim trunks - with no luck. He says to his brunette friend that he DID put a potato in his swim trunks and had no luck. The brunette guy says to the blonde guy,
"you аss-hole! The potato goes in the FRONT of your trunks, not the back!!!"

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Blonde Jokes

Q: What do blondes and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: Take away the вrеаsтs and the legs, and all you have left is a dirтy box.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.

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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: How did the blonde try to кill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice тiтs!"

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Blonde Jokes Boob Jokes American Presidents Humor

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day a gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and he immediately gets an еrестiоn.
The woman notices his еrестiоn, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says:
"Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"
She says:
"You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an еrестiоn, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she then leads him to the side of the pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities.
He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts.
Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm еrестiоn lumbers out of the steam towards him.
The Huge Man says:
"Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"
"You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fаrт, it implies you called for me."
The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office.
He is greeted by the smiling nакеd receptionist:
"May I help you?"
Bob says:
"Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."
"But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities..."
Bob replies:
"Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on about once a month, but I fаrт 15 times a day. No thanks!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes

A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.
"Here, this is how you do it." he said, as he easily skewered the olive.

"Big Deal," muttered the blonde. "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Blonde Jokes

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know? The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early. The redhead is eleated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date. The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a сrаск and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house. The next day, the brunette and the redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"

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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes