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Blonde Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Did you hear about the blonde and the weight loss video?
She threw it away because the people in the video weren't losing weight either!
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Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
What's blonde and has an IQ of 160?
A foursome!
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Blonde Jokes
Why did they have to stop doing the wave at the Skydome in Toronto?
Beacause a blonde drowned in it.
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Blonde Jokes
A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the road. The blonde at the wheel looked very confused and scared.
"What's going on here, ma'am?"
"Well, I was driving along when all of a sudden there was a tree right in my path. I swerved to miss it, but there was another tree. And after that, another, and another." The cop looked inside her car and sighed.
"Ma'am. That's your air freshener."
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Blonde Jokes
Q: Why did the blonde bring a gun to the wedding?
A: She was told she was supposed to hold up the bride's train.
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Blonde Jokes
What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette...
What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde?
A fake blonde doing cartwheels!
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Blonde Jokes
Q: Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel?
A: She was trying to вlоw her horn.
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Blonde Jokes
When IS A Blonde Wearing Underwear?
How do you tell a blonde isn't wearing underwear?
Dandruff on her shoes!
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Blonde Jokes
Q: How does a blonde try to кill a worm?
A: Bury it alive!
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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes
One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes
A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P. A. system.
''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold вееr and then sсrеw the аrsе off that blonde flight attendant.''
The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle. A little old lady sitting there whispered,
''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a вееr first.''
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В един самолет пилотите разговарят помежду си, но забравили да изключат микрофона към пътническия салон: По време на полет двамата пилоти разговарят: Пилот 3000 Meter über dem Atlantik H γριά και η αεροσυνοδός. Ο καφές και το μο**ι...... Лети самолет и двамата пилоти си говорят, но са забравили включен микрофона. Единият казва: Пилот с трудом отрывает самолет от земли и, с облегчением откинувшись на спинку, забыв выключить микрофон, произносит: Dans un avion ayant atteint son altitude de croisière, le commandant de bord branche le micro et annonce aux passagers: On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. Ο πιλότος ετοιμάζεται για απογείωση . В кабине самолета пилот не выключил громкую связь, и говорил второму пилоту: A man is on a plane. The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on. Салон самолета. Пилоты сказали всю инфу и забыли выключить микрофон. На весь салон: - Ну, сейчас чайку попьем, потом стюардессу тр@хнем. Стюардесса бежит к кабине пилотов, ее останавливает бабка: - Да не торопись ты так, доча, они же сказали - сначала чай попьют! LA HOSTESS E L’AUDIO. Aereo in partenza, controlli di routine fatti, il Capitano annuncia la partenza del volo... si dimentica di spegnere il microfono, quindi si rivolge al 2° pilota e gli dice: bene ora potremmo berci una bella birra fresca, poi farci una sveltina con la hostess e quindi... A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto." He forgets to switch off the... Au bord d'un avion sur le point de décoller, le pilote passe une annonce au micro : - Bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs, notre avion a destination de Rio est sur le point de décoller, veuillez faire attention à ce que votre de ceinture de sécurité soit bien attachée. Après son annonce passée, le... Der Flugkapitän macht seine Durchsage und vergisst das Mikro auszuschalten. "Jetzt trinke ich erstmal einen Kaffee, und dann kann mir die neue Stewardess einen blasen." Die Fluggäste hören... A pilot got on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and said to the passengers, "Folks, welcome aboard flight seven eighty-nine to Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five-thousand feet, and... Flyg mot Gran Canaria. Piloten tar mikrofonen och berättar för sina passagerare att flygningen mot Gran Canaria är påbörjad, vilken väg dom skall ta och beräknad ankomst. När detta är gjort önskar... O piloto do avião abre o microfone e fala: — Senhores passageiros, vamos agora voar a 35 mil pés. Caso ocorra alguma pequena turbulência, não se assustem por que isso é normal, pois estamos... Despega un vuelo. El capitán de la nave les da la bienvenida a los pasajeros, les informa sobre el vuelo y el estado del tiempo y por último se despide deseándoles un muy agradable viaje.... Aan het eind van de vlucht neemt de piloot afscheid van de passagiers, maar vergeet de microfoon af te zetten. Tegen de tweede piloot zegt hij: "als we geland zijn, ga ik eerst douchen, eten en... Стюардеса привітала пасажирів на борту, забула мікрофон в кабіні пілотів та роздає цукерки в салоні. В салоні чути розмову пілотів. — Висоту набрали, включаю автопілот, а ти слідкуй за приборами. Я... În avion, pilotul vorbeşte cu copilotul: - După ce îmi beau cafeua, mă duc să fac dragoste cu stewardesa aia blondă! Stewardesa aude şi fuge să-i spună pilotului că a uitat microfonul deschis şi se... Пилотот и копилотот разговараат за време на лет: - Да пиеме по едно кафе и после да ја „опнеме“ стјуардесата? - Може, може... Арно ама, микрофоните биле вклучени и разговорот се слушнал во целиот... A pilóta felszáll, átkapcsol robot pilótára, nyújtózik egy nagyot, de a Mikrofont bekapcsolva felejti és így szól: - Most iszom egy kávét, utána jól megdugom a kis szőke stewardesst. Hátul a... Finnairin koneen perämies unohti laskeutumiskuulutuksen jälkeen mikrofonin päälle. Matkustamossa matkustavat kuuluivat selvästi seuraavat suunnitelmat: " Heti kun on kone kuitattu ulos, meikä... De piloot van een vliegtuig is vergeten de intercom uit te zetten. Als ze eenmaal vliegen op de automatische piloot, zegt hij: "Ah, nu heb ik echt eens zin in een kop koffie en een lekkere... Uçak new york’a yaklaşırken iki pilot konuşmaktadırlar. ne var ki mikrofon açık kalmıştır ve konuşulanlar bütün yolcularca dinlenmektedir. - New york’a iner inmez, önce ılık bir banyo yapacağım....
Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes Beer Jokes Pilot Jokes
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash all your vegetables!
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
What do you call a blond who can't swim?
Bait!
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Blonde Jokes
BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
BLONDE: (puzzled look) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sеxuаl relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed."And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a сliмаx?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis."
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Blonde Jokes Lawyer Jokes Military Jokes
How do you keep a blonde occupied for a few hours?
Tell her to count the stairs on the escalator.
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Blonde Jokes
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day:
The daughter said to her mother. "My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied. "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said. "My hands are freezing cold."
The girl replied. "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said. "My nose is cold."
The girl replied. "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said. "My реnis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother. "Have you ever heard of a реnis?"
Slightly concerned the mother said. "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"
The daughter replies. They make one hеll of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"
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Dirty jokes Blonde Jokes
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nudе, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these вrеаsтs; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my аss is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...that was me."
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because pets can't bring вееr from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Because the blondes couldn't either.
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Знаеш ли защо Бог е създал блондинката? Warum schuf Gott die Blondinen? Pourquoi Dieu a t il créé les blondes ? - Parce que les moutons ne savaient pas chercher les bières dans le frigo. Et pourquoi a t il créé les brunes alors ? - Parce qu'il s'est apercu que les blondes non plus n'y arrivaient pas. De ce a creat Dumnezeu Blonda? Simplu. oaia nu era in stare sa aduca o cutie de Bere din frigider! Dar cum de a creat Dumnezeu bruneta? Si Mai simplu, nici blonda nu era in stare sa o aduca! Hvorfor skabte gud blondinen? - Et får kan ikke bringe øl fra køleskabet. Varför skapade Gud blondiner? Fåren kunde inte hämta en öl ur kylen
Blonde Jokes God Jokes Beer Jokes
Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.
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Bill Clinton Jokes Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor
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