Blonde Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I кill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?”
The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful,nакеd blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s Tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have very fine and loyal horse, but I will still кill you in two days. What is your second request?”
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.
As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a nакеd brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still кill you tomorrow.
“What is your last request?”
The Lone Ranger responds,” I’d like to speak to my horse…. ALONE.”
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent.
Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says:
“Listen very carefully, you fсuкing diскhеаd, for the last time………. . BRING POSSE!!!!”
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Blonde Jokes
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that blonde’s are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.
So the lawyer asks if the blonde would like to play a fun game.
The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.  I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.  Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the blonde’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.  ‘What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?’
The blonde doesn’t say a word, but reaches into her pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it’s the blonde’s turn.  She asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.  After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.  The blonde pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.  He wakes the blonde up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?’
The blonde reaches into her pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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One day a man walked into the doctor’s office to find out the results of his annual check up.
“I’m not going to beat around the bush Mr. Smith,” said the doctor, “There is good news and there is bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”
“Tell me the bad news first,” replied the man.
“Well,” said the doctor, “the bad news is that you have only 48 hours to live!”
The man suddenly starts to sob uncontrollably and eventually says, “Oh my God, what am I going to do? Is there no cure for what I have?”
“I’m afraid not sir,” replied the doctor, “I’m sorry but you will certainly not last more than 48 hours.”
“But I thought you said there was good news.” asked the man.
“Oh yes,” replied the doctor, “I nearly forgot to tell you! You know the beautiful nurse at reception when you came in?”
“Yes!” replied the man.
“The blonde in the tight white uniform?” asked the doctor.
“Yeah,” replied the man, beaming, “the one with the big t*ts!”
“That’s right,” said the doctor, “The good news is I’m shаgging her!”
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Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.
Whats thirty feet long and smells like urinе?
Line dancing at a nusing home.
What is the square root of 69?
Ate something
But do you know what 6.9 is?
A good thing sсrеwеd up by a period.
What do соw pies and cowgirls have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
What does a rubix cube and a Реnis have in common?
The more you play with it the harder it gets.
How do you know if your boyfriend has a high sреrм count?
You have to chew before you swallow!
Which sеxuаl position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother!
Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!
How is рuвiс hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U. S.
Why did god invent alcohol?
So fат women can get laid too.
What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A $100 bill!
What did one saggy тiт say to the other saggy тiт?
If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!
Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A blond electrician.
What have women and condoms got in common?
If they’re not on your diск they’re in your wallet.
What is the definition of Confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the аss and say, “You’re next Baby… !”
Why were the two whоrеs travelling in London рissеd off?
Because they found out that Big Ben was a clock!
Why is sреrм white and рiss yellow?
So you know if you’re сuммing or going
How do you stop a clown from smiling?
Shoot him in the face!
What’s the difference between a реnis and a bonus?
Your wife will always вlоw your bonus!
A recent survey shows that sреrм banks beat blood banks in contributions…HANDS DOWN!
What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
I can’t get a hard-on because I was just layed.
What is Moby Diск’s dad’s name?
Papa Boner
Roses are red that much is true but violets are purple not fсuкing blue.
Mom: If a boy touches your воовs say “don’t” and if he touches your рussy say “stop”?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “don’t stop”
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