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Christian Jokes

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How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
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Fishing Jokes Money jokes Christian Jokes Tax jokes
A young teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian.
She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too.
Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air.
There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand.
So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian."
The teacher asks, "So what are you then? "
The girl replies, "I'm an atheist."
The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks the girl why she's an atheist.
The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."rnrnThe teacher is now angry. "
That's no reason." she says loudly.
"What if your Mom was a моrоn, and your Dad was a моrоn. What would you be then?"
"Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
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Atheist Jokes Religion jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes Christian Jokes
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes.
St. Peter: "What do you want? "
Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus."
St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's here! "
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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Men jokes Christian Jokes Communication Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes
Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
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Men jokes Bible Jokes Christian Jokes
Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: Cheetah.
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Animal Jokes Christian Jokes
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time?
A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
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Bible Jokes Car and driving jokes Christian Jokes
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
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Bible Jokes Christian Jokes
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes Christian Jokes
По какво си приличат свещеника и коледното дърво? Στολίδια Ποιά η ομοιότητα ανάμεσα σε έναν γέρο και στο Χριστουγεννιάτικο δέντρο; Τα μπαλάκια Quelle est la différence entre un curé et un arbre de Noël ? Quelle est la différence entre un curé et un sapin de Noël ? Aucune: dans les deux cas les boules servent uniquement à décorer. ou bien Les boules du sapin servent au moins une fois dans l'année ! A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak. In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After your 50's its like a xmas tree, dead from the roots up & the... How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only. Hvad er ligheden imellem et juletræ og en steriliseret mand? - Kuglerne hænger kun til pynt Hvad er ligheden på en munk og et juletræ? - Kuglene er kun til pynt. Wat is de overeenkomst tussen de paus en een kerstboom? Bij allebei hangen de ballen er voor de sier! - Mi a közös a pap és a karácsonyfa között? - ???? - Mind a kettőn díszek a golyók. Qual a semelhança entre uma Árvore de Natal e um padre? As bolas são só de enfeite! Le sapin de noël et le curé Quelle est la différence entre un sapin de noël et un curé? Dans les deux cas les boules sont là que pour faire joli What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both have balls just for decoration.
Q: What do Christmas trees and priests have in common?
A: Their ваlls are just for decoration.
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God Jokes Religion jokes Christmas Jokes Priest Jokes Christian Jokes Priest Jokes
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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Animal Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Christian Jokes
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
A: He thought he saw a job.
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Men jokes Office and Work Jokes Bible Jokes Christian Jokes
A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead.
A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side.
A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side.
Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said:
"Whoever did this to you needs help."
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Christian Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes
Jesus won't come back again.
Why?
Because he know you will кill him and see if he will wake up again.
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Christian Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Easter Jokes
La petite Suzie n'était pas la plus attentive à l'école catholique.
Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Сhrisт!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your аss!"
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Dirty jokes Religion jokes School Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Student jokes Christian Jokes
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Christian Jokes
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
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Christian Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Christmas Jokes
You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
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School Jokes Old People Jokes Christian Jokes
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is вullshiт.
Jews don't pay for anything.
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Christian Jokes Jewish Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
I just recently discovered that there is a national holiday named after Atheism. April FOOLS day. Like this story in the name of Jesus.
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Nationality Jokes April Fools' Jokes Christian Jokes
Christian Football Definitions:

Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Half-time - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.

Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.

Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.

Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime."

Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep.

End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

Flex Defence - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
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Office and Work Jokes Religion jokes School Jokes Money jokes Christian Jokes Restaurant Jokes
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