Medical and Doctor Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A Doctor and an Advocate loved the same girl. The Doctor gave her a rose daily and the advocate gave the girl an apple. The girl got confused and asked the Advocate, "There is a meaning in giving...
Medical and Doctor Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes
A couple went to have their baby delivered... Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.....
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband both were ecstatic...
When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Baby Jokes Couple jokes
Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes School Jokes
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied. "I'm with the IRS."
Medical and Doctor Jokes Restaurant Jokes Coffee Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning.
When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.
The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.
When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.
This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.
But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
Medical and Doctor Jokes
Четирима хирурзи си почивали и пиели кафе. Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in... Tres cirujanos discuten en el bar del hospital sus experiencias sobre las operaciones. El primero dice: - A mí me gusta operar a los contables: los abres y lo tienen todo numerado. A lo que el segundo replica: - No, yo prefiero a los bibliotecarios, pues tienen todas sus partes ordenadas... Fem kiruger har kaffepause og taler lidt om, hvilke mennesker der er nemmest at operere. Den første kirug siger: "Jeg synes bedst om at operere revisorer. Alt inde i dem er nummeret" Anden kirug;... Kilku chirurgów spotkało się na przerwie obiadowej. Rozmawiają o tym, kogo najbardziej lubią operować. - Ja to bardzo lubię operować księgowych. Wszystko w środku jest ponumerowane. - Jeszcze... Hat sebész iszogat, és arról beszélgetnek, milyenek az ideális páciensek. Mondja az első: - Én a művészeket szeretem a legjobban. Amikor műtét közben felvágom őket, szinte érzem a belőlük áradó... Quattro chirurghi stanno discutendo del loro lavoro durante una pausa. Il primo dice: "Secondo me i bancari sono i più facili da operare, dentro di loro ogni cosa è numerata.” Il secondo replica:...
Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Lawyer Jokes Coffee Jokes
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.
Q: What do economists and computers have in common?
A: You need to punch information into both of them.
Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
Q: Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
A: He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.
NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Q: Why did the market economist cross the road?
A: To reach the consensus forecast.
Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
A: Deflator mouse
Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.
Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.
Q: How many marxists does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.
Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven plus or minus ten.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
Q: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
A: The economist is the one with the calculator.
Q: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground
Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the *correct* one, and everyone will still be in the dark.
Q: Why did God create economists?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.
Q: What does an economist do?
A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
Two economists meet on the street.
One inquires, "How's your wife?"
The other responds, "Relative to what?"
To an economist, real life is a special case.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight. One to sсrеw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.
Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.
When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.
Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion."
Q: Why has astrology been invented?
A: So that economy could be an accurate science.
Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes School Jokes
Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Stupid Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes