Dog jokes

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Hund jagt Leute Vad gör man med en hund som jagar folk på cykel? - Tar cykeln från hunden Polisen till mannen: - Din hund har jagat en man på cykel. Mannen upprört: - Struntprat. Min hund kan inte ens cykla. Дойде съседката да се кара. Твърди, че моето куче гонило нейния син на колелото. Пратих я по дяволите. Моето куче няма колело. I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle. Mon voisin est venu se plaindre Soit disant mon chien poursuit les gens en moto... Je lui ait répondu qu'il avait tort ! Mon chien n'a pas de moto Mijn buurman kwam laatst naar mij toe, hij zegt: 'Je hond zit iedereen op de fiets achterna.' Ik zeg: 'Dat is niet zo mooi. Dan zal ik zijn fiets maar afpakken!' - Proszę pani! Pani pit bull goni jakiegoś faceta na rowerze! - Niemożliwe! Mój pies nie umie jeździć na rowerze... A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes. What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike? My dog doesn’t ride a bike! Govore mi da juris ljude na biciklu. Lazu, gazda. Znas da nemam bicikl.
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A mother and her son are sitting on an airplane, which is ready to take off.
The son admires the parked plains’ through the window.
At one point, he turns to his mother, which was reading a magazine, and pops the question:
"Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?"
The child’s mother, bored to think of a reasonable answer, consultant him to ask the flight attendant.
Therefore, it happened:
"Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?" little boy asks the flight attendant.
Then, with a smile on her face, stewardess replied:
"Did your mom told you to ask me?"
The boy shook his head positively.
So, she says back:
"Tell your mother, that our company knows better and.. pulls out in time!"
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You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunк.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The вееr can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
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While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.
Cowboy: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
Indian:( Look of shock )
Cowboy:"Is this Indian your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian:( Look of disbelief )
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Good."
Indian:( Extreme look of shock )
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
Indian:( Complete look of utter amazement )
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep liar."
Cowboy Talks to the Animals Der Moslemflüsterer Един срещнал на полето овчар с куче, кон и една овца. Мужик приходит к председателю колхоза и говорит: Un ventriloquo arriva in un paese e vede un contadino seduto con un cane, un cavallo e una pecora: "Che bel cane! Ti spiace se gli parlo?".,E il contadino: "Questo cane non parla!".,Ma il ventriloquo insiste: "Hei cane, come va?".,E il cane: "Bene".,Il contadino e' un po'... Ein Christ trifft einen Türken mit einem Hund, Pferd und einer Ziege. Fragt der Christ: "Darf ich mit dem Hund reden?" Türke: "Hund kann nicht reden." Christ zum Hund: "Und wie geht es dir?" Hund: "Ganz gut, er füttert mich und geht 2 mal raus mit mir." Der Türke völlig verdutzt. Christ:... Un indien est en train de garder des chèvres. Un cow-boy se pointe et lui dit : - C'est ton chien ? - Lui être ! - Je peux lui parler un peu ? - Chien pas parler ! Bon, le cow-boy s'approche du chien. - Ca va ? - Pas mal ! (Stupeur de l'Indien...), - Cet Indien, c'est ton maître ? - Ouais. - Il... Een cowboy komt een dorpje binnen en ziet een indiaan aan de rand van zijn huis zitten. Cowboy: "Leuke hond heb je. Vind je het erg als ik met hem praat?" Indiaan: "Hond niet praten." Cowboy:... Een buiksprekende, Belgische toerist wandelt door een stadje in de woestijn en ziet een Marokkaan zitten. Belg : Hé, een leuke hond heb je daar. Mag ik er even mee praten ? Marokkaan : Hond niet... A traveling salesman goes to a farm house. The farmer goes, I could put you up for one night, but youll have to stay in the barn. So he spends the night there and the next morning the farmer comes... En bugtalende cowboy En bugtalende cowboy kommer ridende inde fra byen, og ser en indianer sidde ude foran sin tipi! Han synes lige, at han vil lave lidt sjov med indianeren, så han siger: "Hejsa,... Un paysan voit que ses bêtes ne sont pas dans leur assiette et décide de faire venir le vétérinaire : - Alors ? Quel est le problème ? - Je ne sais pas trop justement. - ? Il suffit de leur... Un touriste se promène à la campagne et visite une ferme. Il demande au paysan de lui faire visiter. Ensemble, ils vont vers l'étable. Le touriste va vers une vache et se met à lui parler : -... Un contadino è seduto sopra un pezzo di legno e arriva un signore vestito bene che gli chiede se può parlare con i suoi animali e il contadino gli dice di si anche se lui dice che non gli possono... Englishman: "That your Dog"..?? Welshman: "Aye". Englishman: "Mind if I Speak to him"..?? Welshman: "Dog don't Talk.” Englishman: Hey Dog, how's it going"..?? Dog: "Doing All Right, Thanks"....
Food Jokes Animal Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Dog jokes
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost.
Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, "Uh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard. "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!" Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. "Where's that dамn monkey?" the poodle says. "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
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