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IT jokes

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I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

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A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife :
Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!!
What happened, did you run out of toilet paper?
No, restart the router, please!

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Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.

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My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.

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Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.

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Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.

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A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

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What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ?
There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!

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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

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I keep hitting “escape”, but I’m still here.

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Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...

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How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Yes.

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A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range.
He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away.
The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit.
They shout to him that he missed completely.
The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer.
The technician then aims the gun at his finger and shoots, blasting it off.
He shouts back, ‘It’s working fine here!
The problem must be at your end!’

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Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.

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Linux is like wigwam: no Gates, no Windows and Apache inside.

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A programmer had a problem.
He decided to use Java.
He now has a ProblemFactory.

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A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"

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How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the November 5th bonfire?
Zero Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.

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A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

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Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget.
We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system.
We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and...
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me.
But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it?
Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?
We await your direction.

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