Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead.
And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.

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A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.
He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
His wife confessed, "Not this time."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Beauty Jokes Couple jokes Nurse jokes

Most kids рее their name into snow... Chuck Norris рissеs his in concreate...

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Chuck Norris Jokes Kids Jokes

"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swinе!"
The mother apologizes shamefacedly,
"I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."

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Insult Jokes Kids Jokes Vulgar jokes Ugly Jokes

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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Kids Jokes Jokes about Women

A younboy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday.
She opened it up and it was a tea рот.
She said "What a wonderful tea port darling - thank you."
The boy said "That's good."
Mum said "However I already have a tea рот."
The boy replied "No you haven't - I broke it."

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Kids Jokes Birthday Jokes

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them.
When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, "That’s the spirit dad. Pass the fuскing potatoes!"

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Priest Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

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Priest Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Priest Jokes

Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies.
Little Annie is now silent for a while.
"You understand it now?" Mum asks.
"Yes," replies her daughter.
"Do you still have any questions?"
"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"
"In exactly the same way as with babies."
"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"

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Kids Jokes Office and Work Jokes Baby Jokes

"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sеx before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

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Sex Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Birthday Jokes

Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she went to a Clippers game to get a haircut.

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Yo Momma Jokes Kids Jokes

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

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God Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes

When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of "open wide" while making airplane noises? Or do they just smash it into their faces?

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Kids Jokes Aviation Jokes Terrorist jokes

When I was younger I used to think having sеx was kissing nакеd. One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sеx with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this. Yep I was a very dumb child.

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Dirty jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Dog jokes

Peter: My mom is having a new baby.
Joy: What's wrong with the old one?

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Baby Jokes Kids Jokes

Q: How are rаре and an airplane similar?
A: The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Aviation Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The young guy says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average sales to 25 to 30 customers a day.
This is gonna have to change very soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$124,548.88".
The boss, astonished, says $124,548.88??? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Chevrolet Suburban."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a SUV???"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Bro, your weekend's a mess, you should go fishing.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Business jokes Customer service jokes Boss Jokes

Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister
Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."

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Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

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Accountant Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Tax jokes Nurse jokes

A little boy was pushing a heavy cart uphill with a lot of effort.
The work was very tiring, so someone walking nearby felt pity and helped the little boy push the heavy cart until the end of the hill.
He stopped indignant there and told to the child:
"You should say to your boss that it is a shame to make a kid such hard work to do."
"I told them, sir."
"Well, what did they reply?"
"Pull kid and some sucker will be there to help you."

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Business jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes Boss Jokes