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Kids Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to кill them!
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My wife beamed at me with pride and said, "Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!"
I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."
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Преговарање Разликата между ядосана жена и терорист е, Quelle est la différence entre une rousse et un terroriste ? ¿Qúe diferencia hay entre una suegra y un terrorista? Que con el terrorista se puede negociar. – Vad är det för skillnad mellan en terrorist och en vänsterfeminist med PMS? – Man kan förhandla med terroristen. Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einer Blondine wenn sie ihre Tage hat und einem Terroristen? Mit einem Terroristen kann man verhandeln. Hvad er forskellen på en pige med menstruation og en terrorist? – Du kan forhandle med en terrorist Hva er den største forskjellen på Chuck Norris og en terrorist? Med terroristen kan du forhandle.. - Vad är skillnaden mellan en sopran och en terrorist? - Terrorister kan man ibland förhandla med. - Mi a különbség egy terrorista meg egy menstruáló nő között? - ??? - A terroristával lehet tárgyalni. Prin ce se deosebeste sotia de un terorist? Cu teroristul poti Sa mai negociezi Mitä eroa on terroristilla, ja blondilla, jolla on kuukautiset? - Terrosristin kanssa voi neuvotella.
Q: What is the difference between a teenager on her rag and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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Yo mama so fат, her kids come out of her all at once.
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Знаете ли защо негрите ядат само бял шоколад? Γιατί οι αράπηδες τρώνε μόνο άσπρες σοκολάτες; Σοκολάτα Οι σοκολάτες Γιατί βγήκαν οι άσπρες σοκολάτες; - Знаете ли защо са измислили белия шоколад? Белый шоколад придумали для того, чтобы негритята тоже могли вымазаться. - Защо е измислен белия шоколад? - Зачем придумали белый шоколад? - Чтобы и негритятам было чем выпачкать свои мордашки! Varför uppfann man vit choklad? – För att negrarna inte ska bita sig i fingrarna när de äter choklad. Why did the white chocolate was invented? So niggers can get dirty! Hvorfor har man opfundet hvid chokolade? – Så negere ikke skal bide sig selv i fingeren – Varför säljs så mycket vit choklad i Afrika? – För att de inte skall bita sig i fingrarna. Warum hat ein Neger im Kino, wenn er Schokolade ißt, weiße Handschuhe an? Damit er sich nicht in die Finger beißt! Wieso wurde weiße Schokolade erfunden? – Damit Neger sich beim Essen nicht in die Finger beißen. – For at negerene ikke bider sig selv i fingrene når de spiser chokolade. Hvorfor har man opfundet hvid chokolade? De ce s-a inventat ciocolata alba? Pt a se murdari si copii negri la gura - Po co produkuje się białą czekoladę? - Żeby murzynek też mógł się upieprzyć.
Q: Why did they invent white chocolate?
A: So all black kids could get their faces messy too.
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Q: What did the little black boy say as he was sliding down a zebra?
A: Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't...
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My great grandson's class were asked to make a mothers day card for their mothers.
On mothers day he presented this beautiful hand made a card to his mum...
Hearts and kisses and wishing her Happy Mums Day on opening the card printed in bold letters was "DADS THE BEST"...
Needless to say, his mum still loves him.
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Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Вееr and women!"
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Teacher: "What does a duck say?"
Jenny: "Quack Quack"
Teacher: "What does a соw say?"
Madison: "Moo"
Teacher: "What does a pig say?"
Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you мотhеrfuскеr!"
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There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties.
Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb.
There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb.
So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb.
Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?"
The boy looks back and says "who? me?"
The man says "yes."
The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker."
The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker."
The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating рussy and moving down the road."
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One day, Muhammad's wife called him a реdорhilе.
In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
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I saw a girl crying, so I asked her "Where are your parents?" and she started crying even more.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
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Der Teufel und der Anwalt При един адвокат се появил дявола и му предлага сделка: Der Teufel macht einem Immobilienmakler ein Angebot: Дяволът отива при един адвокат и предлага сделка: Ein Spekulant sitzt vor seinem Computer und studiert gerade die neuesten Charts und Börsenkurse, als sich der Boden öffnet und der Leibhaftige herauskommt.Der Teufel begrüßt ihn und spricht wie folgt An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer: "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make... Le diable dit à un agent immobilier : - Je vais faire de toi le plus grand agent immobilier du monde. Tu gagneras tous les ans plus d'argent que Bill Gates et le Sultan de Brunei réunis ! En échange, je prendrai les âmes de ta femme et de tes enfants, qui passeront l'éternité en Enfer avec moi.... Ein Anwalt hat mit seiner Kanzlei Anlaufschwierigkeiten, und da beschwört er den Teufel. Der kommt auch promt, und sagt: "Diese Woche haben wir ein Sonderangebot: Du kriegst perfekte Gesundheit, gewinnst jeden Prozess, bist für Frauen unwiderstehlich,... Advokaten hade fått en diagnos av sin läkare. Den var minst sagt negativ, och nu räknade han bara tiden han hade kvar. Djävulen kom till honom och gav honom ett erbjudande: - Jag kan ordna så att... U pewnego pisarza pojawił się diabeł: - Jesteś beztalenciem. Nigdy nie napiszesz niczego, co będzie poczytne. Ale mogę zaoferować Ci swoją pomoc. Będziesz pisał pięć bestselerów rocznie przez... C’est le diable qui dit à un avocat : - Je vais prendre les âmes de ta femme et de tes trois enfants. Elles passeront l’éternité avec moi en Enfer. En échange, tu seras le plus grand avocat du... Un avvocato è seduto nel suo ufficio una notte quando gli compare il Diavolo che gli dice: "Ho una proposta per te. Tu potrai vincere tutte le tue future cause per il resto della tua vita. I tuoi... After five years of toil at a Wall Street law firm, an associate was burning the midnight oil at his office. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a tower of smoke burst from the floor. Satan... Wolfgang Schüssel sitzt im Büro. Jemand klopft an die Tür. Es ist der Teufel persönlich. "Erschrecken Sie nicht", sagt er, "ich will mit Ihnen nur ein Geschäft machen. Ich mache Sie zum...
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said.
"I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hеll for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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Hearing a scream from the playroom, the mother rushed in and found her infant daughter pulling the hair of her four-year-old bother. After separating them, the mother said to her son, “Don’t be... Šestiletý synek přiběhne za maminkou s brekem, že ho jeho malá sestřička tahá za vlasy. Maminka mu vysvětluje: „Přestaň brečet. Ona je ještě malá a neví, že tahání za vlasy bolí.” Synek odejde a za...
A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don’t be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…
"Now she knows."
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A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case.
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
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Yo mama so ugly, they use her picture to scare kids straight.
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Божиќ Никога не се смей на циганин с колело... Warum solltest du einen Türken wenn er vor Dir auf dem Fahrrad fährt nicht überfahren? Es könnte Dein Fahrrad sein! What does the black kid across the street get for christmas? Your bike... Waarom moet je een turk nooit van zijn fiets aanschoppen? Het kan je eigen fiets zijn. Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike. Hvad fik den sorte dreng til jul? – Min cykel
Q: What does a poor boy get for Christmas?
A: Your bike.
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Q: What's the difference between racist jokes and kids with cancer?
A: They never get old.
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One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a воndаgе S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
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A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No."
The little boy goes on, "Please .. please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play."
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise."
So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother 'no' and I'm telling you 'no'." The little girl says, "Please .. please Grandpa make a frog noise." The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!"
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