An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" 
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." 
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" 
Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." 
Old man yells "You dамn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" 
Boy just laughs and keeps walking. 
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. 
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. 
Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" 
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." 
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" 
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." 
Old man yells back, "You dамn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" 
Boy just laughs and keeps walking. 
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. 
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. 
Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" 
Boy says "It's a рussy willow." 
Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."
Who Knocked Up My Bear?
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. ''I've never been better!'' he boasted. ''I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?'' The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, ''Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.'' The doctor continued, ''So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?'' the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, ''No, what?'' The doctor continued, ''The bear dropped dead in front of him.'' ''That's impossible!'' exclaimed the old man. ''Someone else must of shot the bear.'' ''That's kind of what I'm getting at,'' replied the doctor.