Love Jokes - Page 7

Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
Yeah... now he has no ears.

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"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!"
"What medicine?"
"To get another look...!"

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Dirty jokes Love Jokes

A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night.
"I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter.
"I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while making love," says the electrician.
"Those are good ideas," says the dentist. "But my contribution's going to be a real surprise."
The next day the new husband comes to the diner to meet his friends. He says "I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I'm gonna кill whichever one of you put novocaine in the massage oil!"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Wedding jokes Friendship Jokes Love Jokes Dentist Jokes

Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.

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Father's Day Jokes Kids Jokes Make My Day Laughs Love Jokes

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl.
One day she told him that the next day was her birthday.
He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

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Men jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Beauty Jokes Birthday Jokes Love Jokes

There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were вiggеr than she was.
One day she argued with a lion.
The next day was the first of June.
Why?
Because that was the end of May!

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Animal Jokes Love Jokes

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her.
He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

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Police Officer Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Love Jokes

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes Wedding jokes Love Jokes

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

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Pet Jokes Animal Jokes Love Jokes Dog jokes

"Hi Liz! How's the big love of yours, James?"
"It's over!"
"Over? Why, what happened?"
"We got married..."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Love Jokes

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied:
"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Love Jokes

Without you I can't breath.
I love you so much my nose.

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Life Jokes Love Jokes

Gаy translation
I want a commitment.
I'm sick of маsтurватiоn.
Haven't I seen you before?
Nice аss.
I need you.
My hand is tired.
You're the only man I've ever cared about.
You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.
I'm a Romantic.
I'm poor.
I really want to get to know you better.
So I can tell my friends about it.
It's just orange juice, try it.
3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.
He's kinda cute.
I want to have sеx with him till my diск turns blue!
He's not my type.
He won't sleep with me.
I miss you so much
I am so hоrny that my dog is starting to look good.
I had a wonderful time last night.
Who the hеll are you?
Do you love me?
I've done something sтuрid and you might find out.
Do you 'really' love me?
I've done something sтuрid and you're going to find out.
I'll give you a call.
I'd rather have my niррlеs torn off by wild dogs than see you again.
I've been thinking a lot.
You're not as attractive as when I was drunк.
I think we should just be friends.
You're ugly.
I've learned a lot from you.
Next!!!!

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Friendship Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Masturbation jokes Love Jokes Ugly Jokes Dog jokes

Turtle to turtle:
"Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"

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One-Liner Jokes Animal Jokes Love Jokes Weather jokes

Girl - Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy - I tried it once but their аsshоlеs are too small.

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Dirty jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Love Jokes

Valentines Slogans:
10. I admire your strength, I admire your sрunк, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunк.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whоrе.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fат аss.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your аss.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "воотy".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm hоrny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

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Valentine's Day Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Fat Jokes Love Jokes

HOW did an Intelligent BOY PROPOSE to a Girl.
He TOOK the Girl ALONG with him on a BOAT & in the MIDDLE of River said:
"LOVE ME or LEAVE the BOAT."

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Love Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

An elderly retired couple went to a doctor.
The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly.
Will you look at us?"
"Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love.
"You are making love perfectly," the doctor said.
"That will be $10."
They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing.
On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!"
"She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house.
A motel costs $20.
You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."

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Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Love Jokes

Boy while kissing his girlfriend:
"Thank u baby... For give me your chewing gum.."
Girl says, "This is not chewing gum my love. I’m suffering from cough!"

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Gross Jokes Love Jokes

The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?"
"Yeah, for sure..."
"And then... What are you waiting for...?"

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God Jokes Jokes about Women Love Jokes