Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

A wife tells her husband:
"We never go out anywhere…"
"Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful independent, confident princess met a frog, while sitting and considering the environmental issues of the world, at the side of an infected lake, in a very green meadow, near her castle.
The frog jumped on princess’ knees and said:
"My sweet lady, once I was a handsome prince, until an evil witch cursed me.
I f you kiss me, however, I will become again that graceful prince I once was.
Then, my sweety, we will get married and we will live in your castle, and you will cook for me, you will wash my clothes, and you will give birth to my childre and you will feel so happy and graceful for being able to do all these things forever!"
That night, the princess enjoying her nice cooked frog legs, she chuckled inside and thought:
"... And then he woke up."

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Marriage and Family Jokes

An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me."
Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Discussion between two future lawyers:
I don’t understand why they rejected me!
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients.
What did you tell them?
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands!
You’re hands?
What do you mean?
Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Lawyer Jokes

There were three guys in a bar boasting about the amount of control they have over their wives after getting drunк.
One said my wife never says no to me, the second one says my wife always says yes to me.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed.
"What happened then?"
They asked.
She said,
"Get out from under the bed and fight like a man".

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly.
“Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”.
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing.
You know, a little peace and quiet?”
“Yeah. But today is the last day”.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.

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Yo Momma Jokes Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

Q: What are the three rings of marriage?
A: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Wedding jokes

I met a sista once who told me she could tell how good a brotha is in bed simply by the way he opens the door to his apartment.
So, I asked her how. She said if that brotha fumbles with the keys, that means he doesn't know what he's doing. If he opens the door too quick, means he's too fast and he's a total waste of time. But if that brotha opens the door with a smooth, controlled movement, that means he's real good in bed. Then she asked me how I open the door to my apartment. I told her, 'Honey, I liск the lock first.'

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

"Is it rаре if it's your wife?"
"I don't think so."
"What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hеll!"

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a вееr!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"

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Relationship Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Beer Jokes

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your вuтт is getting really big. It's вiggеr than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-аss grill for one little wееniе?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

A friend of mine often tells to his wife:
"It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"

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Friendship Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Love Jokes

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Military Jokes

I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying.
Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby.
I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.

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Baby Jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Yo mama is so sтuрid she married a carpenter just to get nailed.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"

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Christmas Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Music and Musician Jokes

What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
About 40 lb.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Wife to husband: ‘When I married you you said you had an ocean-going yacht!’
Husband: ‘Shut up and row.’

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Marriage and Family Jokes