Money jokes - Page 37

There were two prostitutes , one was very beautiful and the other was ugly. The beautiful рrоsтiтuте used to make around $1,000-$3,000 a month but the ugly one made around $10,000-$13,000. Confused to why the fuск the ugly one made more money than her, the beautiful рrоsтiтuте went to the ugly one and asked her.
" Hey girl ! How are you? Looks like you're doing great ,you bought a new car and an apartment, where did you get the money ?".
On this the ugly вiтсh replied.
" Actually I play games with my customer and so I earn a lot, maybe more than you . What I do with my customer is that when we have inтеrсоursе I put a small firecracker in my рussy and when it blows up , I start shouting oh you blew up my рussy you ваsтаrd, scared that this may put them in trouble my customers end up paying me $500-$800 to get away".
Hearing this, the beautiful blonde рrоsтiтuте went to the shop to buy some firecrackers, but as the less power crackers were not available that day she bought a huge powerful firecracker and went to work. While having inтеrсоursе she put the big bomb in her рussy and it went off with a huge ваng. Then the рrоsтiтuте started shouting as planned:
" You blew up my рussy ... You blew up my рussy".
On this the customer replied ,
" You вiтсh, the hеll with your рussy, where the fuск is my DIСК ".

20 0

Our house was so small if we got a large pizza we had to go outside to eat it.

20 0

Money jokes

A man went into a bar in a high rise.
He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out.
He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more.
Finally the man asked if he could have a pill.
The flier said it was his last one.
The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars.
The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar.
The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death.
The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunк, Superman.

20 0

Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives?
Win the Lottery.

20 0

Money jokes

Patient:
"Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?"
Doctor:
"You see, I am not a M. B. B. S. I am only a B. Sc."

20 0

Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

I saw a тrамр who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’

20 0

Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.

20 0

Money jokes

Two elderly gin-soaked colonels are sitting at the bar of their club.
‘Lend me a tenner for a month, old boy,’ says one.
‘What does a month-old boy want a tenner for?’ asks the other.

20 0

Money jokes

A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk.
When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.

20 0

Money jokes Men jokes

They say about money that you can’t take it with you.
I can’t even afford to go.

20 0

Money jokes

We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.

20 0

Money jokes

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these,’ then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth fixed.’ So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise,’ so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger.”

19 0

Blonde Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

There was a man who just got out of the army.
He was really hоrny and only had $5, so he went to a whоrе house. He told the women, ''Gimme anything you got.'' So then he is having sеx with this women and says ''Gosh, you're really rough inside.'' She says ''Hold on.'' and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says ''Now you're really smooth. What happened?'' She says, ''I picked off all the scabs.''

19 0

Military Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: He saw some dog food.

19 0

Animal Jokes Money jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Asian jokes Dog jokes

Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce?
A: Ten thousand!

19 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Money jokes Divorce Jokes

What are Women Really Thinking?
So many men, so few who can afford me.
Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares?
And your point is?
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

19 0

Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Chocolate Jokes Coffee Jokes

If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.

19 0

Money jokes God Jokes

A guy's walking along the beach and he finds a magic lamp.
He rubs it and two blonde genies come out.
They tell him they'll grant him any three wishes he wants.
So he makes his wishes...
He wakes up in bed with 50 of the most beautiful women he's ever seen and he'd just made love to all of them.
Then he walks outta the bed and opens a treasure chest filled with more money than you could ever imagine...
Then two ККК members come riding in on horses, throw a noose over a tree and hang him...
The ККК members take off their masks and its the two blonde genies one of them says to the other:
"I can understand why he wanted to sleep with all the women, I know why he wanted a chest full of money...
But I can't figure out why the hеll he would wanna be hung like a niggеr..."

19 0

Jokes about Women Money jokes Blonde Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Genie jokes Love Jokes Black People Jokes

Why’s a fат woman like a skateboard?
They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.

19 0

Jokes about Women Money jokes Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!

19 0

Money jokes Chuck Norris Jokes