Old People Jokes

The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.
"Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sеx drive."
"Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sеx drives all in your head."
"Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."

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Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viаgrа to the old men living there?
It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Nurse jokes Viagra jokes

A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York.
At the same time in South Texas is getting a вlоw job from a 85 year old lady.
What are both men thinking?
Don't look down.

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant.
He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, “Oh, no.
We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.”
The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied,
“Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Restaurant Jokes

In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Yo mama so old her drivers license in hieroglyphics.

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Car and driving jokes Old People Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

A Saudi prince recently requested that nакеd statues be covered up while visiting Rome.
Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.

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Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Old People Jokes Political Jokes

“Oh, I sure am glad to see you,” the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother’s side). “Now Daddy will do the trick he’s been promising us.”
The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that?” she asked.
“He told Mommy that he’d climb the walls if you came to visit,” answered the boy.

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Old People Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Grandparent Jokes

"Hi! My name is Gertrude," said the lady next to him on the plane.
"It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me. Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable.
Do you see his dimple on his left cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day. Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone!
He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice 'Hi Grandma!' It just gets me all teary eyed."
After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much.
"You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise! Tell me.. what do you think about my Grandson!"

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Men jokes Old People Jokes

Your mama so old she was friends with Cleopatra.

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Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"
His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."
Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"
Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"
Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"
Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Golf jokes

Q: How do you make four old ladies say "FUСК!"?
A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!"

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Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says,
"Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands.
By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand"
"So," says the second drunк, "what's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.

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Christmas Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo Momma is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!

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Car and driving jokes Old People Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Yo mama is so old she was electrocuted with steam.

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Old People Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Look for gray hares.

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Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old?
Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.

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Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”
Second one says, “No, its Thursday!”
Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a вееr.”

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes Weather jokes Beer Jokes

An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs.
His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies.
As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies.
He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs.
Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table.
He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies.
Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Funeral jokes Chocolate Jokes Sick and Death Jokes