Old People Jokes

Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.

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An old man was accounting manager in a company.
Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back.
After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died.
After his funeral, his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"

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Funeral jokes Office and Work Jokes Old People Jokes Accountant Jokes Boss Jokes

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied.
"They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!"
He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

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A seventy-six-year-old man married a woman less than half his age and took her off on honeymoon to the Caribbean. When he returned home, his sister asked him how it had gone.
"Oh, it was wonderful," he said, "We made love almost every night."
"That's quite a feat at your age," said the sister.
"Yes," he continued. "Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday..."

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Old People Jokes Monday jokes

Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal?
Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes

An old man lived alone in Tasmania.
He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Jase, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Jase,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year; I'm just getting to old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES. Love Jase.
At 4A. M. the next morning, the Federal Police and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Jase.

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,
“Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I’ve changed my will three times!”

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Old People Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What do you call a 90-year-old man who can still маsтurвате?
A: Miracle Whip.

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Looking Good Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Masturbation jokes

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”

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Bible Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.

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Old People Jokes Christmas Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

A Marine was going in for his physical.
He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend.
After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids.
He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit.
The DR came in.
After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sеx life.
Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.'
Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir."
Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?"
Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?"
The DR. signed the paperwork.
Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."

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Old People Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes

Yo mama so old, she walked into a museum and found her ex.

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes Relationship Jokes

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and воdily dysfunctions. One 75-year-old man says:
"I have this problem. I wake up every morning at 7 a.m. and it takes me 20 minutes to рее." An 80-year-old man says:
"My case is worse. I get up at 8 a.m. and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a воwеl movement." The 90-year-old man says:
"Not me. At 7 a.m. I рее like a horse and at 8 a.m. I сrар like a соw."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others. "I don't wake up until 9:00."

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Old People Jokes

A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him.
The doctor examines the man and then says,
"Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urinе sample and a sреrм sample."
The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife replies,
"He said he wants your underwear."

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Old People Jokes

Yo mama is so old that God doesn't remember her.

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Yo Momma Jokes God Jokes Old People Jokes

Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Old People Jokes

My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.

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Sports Jokes Old People Jokes

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Вееr and women!"

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A married couple has invoked the ghosts, after 15 minutes of invoking has appeared only the face of the grandmother of the man.
The married couple has asked the grandmother together:
"What would you like to tell us dear granny? "
The granny has said:
"I am looking forward to seeing you soon. Have a nice day!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Couple jokes Grandparent Jokes

Yo mama told me that she had some wrinkles in her feet ; I suggested to wear stocking.
She said : "Woo it is 50 years that I am wearing pants the сhinк of her аss hadn't been recovery!"

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