Jokes about Police Officers

A man walks into the sheriff's office....
"I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads:
'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.
"Rustling."

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According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you....
Unless your name happens to be Bruce.

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Police Officer Jokes

A state trooper stopped at a little cafe for coffee. As he was getting ready to leave a patron of the cafe yelled out, "Go out and get 'em!" he said.
"I suppose everyone's going to get a ticket today?"
"I don't really give out many tickets," the cop said.
"Oh, come on," the man teased.
"You'd give your own mother a ticket."
"No, my mother never drove a car," said the trooper.
Then a grin spread over his face.
"But I did catch her jaywalking once," he said,
"And I issued her a warning.
But that's all."

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Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man gats kicked out of police camp after writing “Who’s that Pokémon” next to all of the chalk outlines

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Police Officer Jokes

I looked out on the destruction: smashed windows, cars turned upside-down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make…
I turned to the wife and said, “Сhin up darling, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car!”

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Police Officer Jokes Sexist Jokes

Back in the day the police didn’t need to speak to us "in handcuffs”...

Mainly because our parents spoke a strange universal a language called "consequences".

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Police Officer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club.
Police are looking into it.

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Sports Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding.
When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'.
The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'.
The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'.
The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'.
He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight.
The kid says 'What was that for, sir?'
The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish.
Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'

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Kids Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

Aunt's Pay A young lady went to the dress shop where her aunt worked and picked up her aunt's pay.
On the way home she was robbed, so she called the police and said,
"I just lost my aunt's pay."
The desk sargeant said , "Ouyay, Unnyfay!"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man is staggering home drunк late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman.
‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer.
‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man.
‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman.
‘My wife,’ replies the man.

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes

I have an app on my phone that makes the sound of a police siren.
Comes in handy if there are long queues in KFC.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes

What did the police do when 241 hares got loose?
They combed the area!

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Police Officer Jokes

I got pulled over by the police - He came to the window and said “papers.” … …
…
I said “scissors, I win” - and drove off … …
…
He must be desperate for a rematch as he’s been chasing me for ages!

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Police Officer Jokes Criminal Jokes

When you were in the gang then , you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough.
Someone started talking about fighting - 'No, man, I've got to go home.'

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Police Officer Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

Two girls speed down the highway at 90 mph."Hey," asks the brunette at the wheel. "Do you see any cops following us?"
The blonde turns around. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Dамn!" says the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turns around again. "Yup. Nope. Yup. Nope. Yup."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes

Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Duck jokes

"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the sтrоке of two."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The cop said, ‘Pull over!’
I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’

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Police Officer Jokes

What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater?
A plain clothes police dog!

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Police Officer Jokes