Jokes about Police Officers

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.
The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.
The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, “meow”, the cop says, “oh, its only a cat”
He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, “woof, woof”. The cop says, “its only a dog”.
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, “potato”

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And where was the location of the accident?
Approximately milepost 499.
And where is milepost 499?
Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

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Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes

Man returning with his wife from guests.
Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife.
But there is only one problem, how to explain that to the policeman?

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Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Life Jokes

1st Officer:
"Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer:
"Who?"
1st Officer:
"Janet Jackson!"
2nd Officer:
"What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer:
"Nah, she had one headlight out."

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Office and Work Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Those poor cops, they put themselves in the line of fire to protect and serve us – yet we make jokes about them.
Maybe if so many fат police officers weren’t sitting in a Dunkin Doughnuts writing speeding tickets they’d be left alone.

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Fat Jokes

A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road.
He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man's body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds of thousands of sprinkles.
A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies:
"It looks like he's topped himself."

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Police Officer Jokes Men jokes Chocolate Jokes

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened ?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

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Police Officer Jokes

A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride.
After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highway patrol for a weight check and inspection.
The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn; no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield wipers. Also, it was overloaded and had bad brakes.
“Mister,” the patrolman said to the driver, “I think the best way to charge you is ‘hauling wood without a truck.’”

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Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A frail little old lady walked up to a cop and said,
"I was attacked! I was attacked!"
The cop said,
"When?"
She said,
"Twenty-three years ago."
The cop said,
"What are you telling me now for?"
The little old lady said,
"I just like to talk about it once in a while."

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Police Officer Jokes

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have.
In an attempt to кill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

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Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes Phone jokes Banker Jokes

A German got pulled over by the police in France.
Police officer:
“Name?”
German:
“Heinrich Klimt”
Police officer:
“Age?”
German:
“31”
Police officer:
“occupation?”
German:
“No, no. Just visiting”

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Office and Work Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Police Officer Jokes

“A drummer who became a policeman was pounding a beat.”

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Police Officer Jokes One-Liner Jokes

For thirty years, Officer Johnson had arrived at the police station at 9 A. M. on the dot ready for duty.
He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A. M. passed without Johnson's arrival in the briefing room, it caused a major sensation.
All announcements and patrol assignments ceased and the sergeant himself, looking at his watch and muttering, stormed out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, his uniform dusty and torn, his nametag missing, his face scratched and bruised, his shield веnт. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs. Nearly freakin' killed myself."
And the sergeant said,
"And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Воовs!"

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Police Officer Jokes Sexist Jokes Boob Jokes

There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette running from a cop.
They hide in potato sacks.
The officer kicks each bag.... When he kicks the redheads bag she goes meow.... When he kick the brunettes bag she goes ruff... When he kicks the blondes bag she goes potatoes!

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Two clones are on a roof.
One clone pushes the other clone off.
The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.

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Dark Humor Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fат bird in my car?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Fat Jokes

What do you get if you cross a computer with a herb?
A thyme machine.

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Programmer Jokes Animal Jokes Computer Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Brings little Johny a can to policeman and asks:
Can you please open the can? Policeman knocks at it:
Please open the door, police...

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Little Johnny Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Classic Воотy Call... Cops:
The cops must be after you because it's illegal to look that good.

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Police Officer Jokes