School jokes, Teacher Jokes

Teacher: “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?”
Boy: “Somebody else’s pants.”

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School Jokes

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together.
I was cycling to school.
I saw a dead body."
Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Two fathers chat outside school in the morning:
"Bill, have you solved your son’s math problems?"
"Yes, man, I did. Why?"
"Can you quickly give them to me, so I can copy them...?"

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School Jokes Men jokes Math Jokes

Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes

One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.
She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.
Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn't figure out what it was.
So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.She said,"Okay,I'll give you a hint.
I call your father this."Little Johnny said to his brother,"Quick Bobby, spit it out,its аsshоlе!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Stacy: You know Tracy, sometimes I don't understand life.
Tracy: What do you mean?
Stacy: When we were a younger, we learnt to talk and to walk. At school, we always have to sit down and shut up...

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School Jokes

A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?"
He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match."
But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?"
He answered, "Because there was extra time."

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School Jokes Soccer Jokes

Little Johnny came home after school:
"Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language."
"Why?" asked his father.
"Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?"
"How come what Mary is? A whоrе, of course," said the father.
"That's what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Сhrisт because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He’s in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He’s in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Сhrisт, are you still in there?'"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes Christmas Jokes Student jokes

I don't know whats happening in this country.
You've got school children dressing like whоrеs and whоrеs dressing like school children.
Its a nightmare... you just don't know whether to carry sweets or money!

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Dirty jokes School Jokes Money jokes

Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.
Gus, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife.
At the end of the card game Red said to Gus, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"
Gus replied, "Why, ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven't had any problems at all."
"Memory school? What memory school?"
Gus thought for a moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red with thorns? A really pretty flower..."
"A rose?" asked Red.
"Yeah, that's it!"
Gus turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose! What's the name of that memory school you sent me to?"

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Old People Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Superhero Jokes

A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
"Behave, my bubaleh," she says.
"Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
"So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."

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Jewish Jokes School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sеx before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

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Sex Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Birthday Jokes

A teacher was telling her students about human anatomy in a sеx education class. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of a male and a female.
"The female has two вrеаsтs and one vаginа. The male has one реnis."
A little boy in the front row jumped up and said that the teacher was wrong.
"My daddy has two penises. He has a short one that he pees with and a long one that he brushes Mommy's teeth with!"

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women School Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Student jokes

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out.
This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

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School Jokes

Mr. Smith, the biology instructor at a Highschool, said during class, “Miss Jones, would you please name the оrgаn of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”
Miss Jones gasped, then said, “Mr. Smith, I do not think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.” With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Smith called on Miss Brown and asked the same question. Miss Brown, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.”
“Correct,” said Mr. Smith. “And now, Miss Jones, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirтy mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

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School Jokes Dirty jokes

How do you кill 4000 lawyers? A: You build a new Titanic and declare it cannot sink. Q: What's the strongest argument against both theories of origin? A: Politicians and lawyers. Who in their right mind would create (or evolve into) these species? Q: If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? A: Never enough. Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor? A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand. Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A: A lobotomy. Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: One's a bottom-crawling sсuм sucker and the other's just a fish. Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a catfish? A: One's slimey and has whiskers, and the other one lives in the water.

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Lawyer Jokes School Jokes

She was so blonde... She got stabbed in a shoot-out. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. She told me to meet her at the corner of 'walk' and 'don't walk'. She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order. She tried to drown a fish. She thought a quarterback was a refund. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. Under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.' She tripped over a cordless phone. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.' She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store. If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless. She studied for a blood test... and failed. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train. She sold the car for gas money. When she saw the 'NC-17' (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. When she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. She thinks Taco Веll is where you pay your phone bill. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

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Blonde Jokes School Jokes

The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you in the floor?"
Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."

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School Jokes Math Jokes

Teacher: What makes you see?
Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!

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School Jokes