Sex Jokes - Page 38

She’s got her very own method of birth control.
She takes her make-up off.

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Sex Jokes

‘I believe that sеx between two people is a beautiful experience.
Between five it’s fantastic!’
Woody Allen

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Sex Jokes

A man who recently had a sеx-change operation was talking to his former
Buddies at work about the operation.
"Was it painful?" someone asked.
"Well,"she said.
"There was one part that was extremely painful."
"I bet I know what
Part was so painful," someone else said.
"I bet it was when they cut off your
Balls," they said.
"No," she said.
"I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a
Thing."
"Then it must have been when they cut off your рескеr," another
Person offered.
"No," she said.
"I was sedated then too, and didn't feel
Anything."
"Then what part of the operation was so painful?"
They wanted to
Know.
"Well," she said.
"After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in
My ear and suскеd out half of my brains."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Question master: ‘In the Garden of Eden, what were the first words Eve said to Adam?’
Contestant: ‘Gosh, that’s a hard one!’
Question master: ‘Well done. Two points.’

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Sex Jokes

Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sеx?
A. Locking the car door.

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Car and driving jokes

An old couple prepares to go to sleep. The man gets in bed, but the woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, "Why are you on the floor?"
The old woman replies, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Couple jokes

A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for аnаl sеx, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
She said no.
The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice аnаl sеx, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified.
She asked, "You can get pregnant from аnаl sеx?"
The Doctor replied, "Of course.
Where do you think lawyers come from?"

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Lawyer Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

Programming is like sеx.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Sex Jokes Life Jokes

Valentines Slogans:
10. I admire your strength, I admire your sрunк, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunк.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whоrе.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fат аss.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your аss.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "воотy".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm hоrny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

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Valentine's Day Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Fat Jokes Love Jokes

So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?"
Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun."
God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations."
The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan."
"Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp."
Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?"
"Fuск that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."

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God Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Why did the sемеn cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes

Are you a mum?
I am not a dad!
Maybe you could help me with that!

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Flirt jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

I lost my virginity to a rетаrd last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

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Disability Jokes Sex Jokes

Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vаginа?
A: A woman.

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Is it still rаре if you yell 'Surprise!' first?

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition.
The deceased possessed a tremendous sеxuаl оrgаn.
Aaron, you see what I am seeing?
Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine.
That long?
No, that dead.

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Sick and Death Jokes Sex Jokes Jewish Jokes

Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gаy bar.
One соndом says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shiт-faced?"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

One day a mom and her son went to the zoo.
There they saw two monkeys having sеx.
The son asked "What are they doing?".
The mom said "Ohh they are making frosting", then they saw hippos doing it then he said "Mom what are they doing?"
"Making frosting" she said.
Later that night he saw there mom doing it.
In the morning he said "Mom you and dad were making frosting so i ate it!"

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A wife catches her husband маsтurватing under the shower and approaches him.
The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirтy that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!

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Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sеx?
A:Honey I'm home.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes