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Sports Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Why are football stadiums always cool?
"Because they're full of fans."
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A man went to England on a trip and met a woman there, they grew to like each other enough for her to come to America with the man on his flight home.
When they got back to America the man said, “I would like to show you an American pastime: baseball.”
So the next day the man took her to a baseball game.
The first man came up to the plate and hit the ball to right field and got to first base, the next man bunted the ball and got to first base, and the third man came up to the plate and got walked.
The man said, “Are you understanding this game?”
The woman answered, “Yes, but what I don't understand is why the thrower hurls the ball at the first man and he hits it.
Then he hurls the ball at the second man and he taps it and runs to where the other man was standing.
And then the third man, this is the part I don't understand, the thrower hurls the ball and he just stand there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there then he just walks to the place where the other man was standing.”
Then the man says, “Well that is because he has four ваlls.”
The woman says, “Poor thing! He couldn't run if he tried.”
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So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
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Chuck Norris won the Nascar season, he was driving a bike.
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Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat.
Frank stands up to get a вееr, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears.
After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him.
Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing.
"Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom.
"Whew! I don't remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry.
Tom replies,
"Oh yeah, well I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"
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Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf.
Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?
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Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Yo Momma's a bowling ball.
She is round and heavy, men stick three fingers into her and push her in the gutter.
Then she comes rolling back for more.
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Yo mama's so sтuрid, she thought "Dunkin' Donuts" was a basketball team.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar?
A: A leap year.
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Chuck Norris once bowled a 300...
Without a ball...
He wasn't even in a bowling ally.
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The Winter Olympics.
Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
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Golfer:
"I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy:
"Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
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Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left.
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Why are baseball players in trouble with the law so often?
They always hit and run.
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Баба ми започна да ходи по 5 км. дневно, когато беше на 60 години. Bisogna mantenersi in forma, pensa che mia nonna ha cominciato a camminare per 5 miglia al giorno quando aveva 60 anni. Adesso ne ha addirittura 97...ma nessuno sa dove diavolo sia! Баба ми започна да ходи по пет километра на ден от деня, в който се пенсионира. Сега е на 90 и никой не знае до къде е стигнала, защото от тогава никой не я е виждал. Mi abuela kuando tenia 70 años el medico le dijo q tenia q andar 3 km al dia . Aora tiene 90 i no sabemos donde esta xD
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
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A man and wife are at a volleyball game when they notice a very affectionate couple who are running their hands over each other passionately.
‘I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,’ says the man.
‘Watch them!’ says his wife.
‘You already know how to play volleyball.’
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Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games?
A: Because there's not a fаn in the place.
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Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing.
One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice.
The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."
The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."
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