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Sports Jokes

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Ein Mann geht zum Pfarrer und fragt: "Sagen Sie mal, ist es eine Sünde am Sonntag Golf zu spielen?" Antwort des Pfarrers: "So wie Sie spielen ist es immer eine Sünde!"
The Golfer asked his Caddy, "Hey boy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?
Caddy replied, "The way you play, Sir, its a сriме any day of the week!"
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Golf jokes Sports Jokes
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
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Fitness jokes Sports Jokes Phone jokes
Kobe Bryant wears the number 24 to remind himself about how many seconds he has to hog the ball.
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Sports Jokes
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge.
The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal.
When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.
How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed.
"You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."
The official just stared.
The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game.
"What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"
The official stared a few more seconds.
Then he веnт down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down.
He turned to face the steaming quarterback.
The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"
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Sports Jokes Soccer Jokes Single People Jokes
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Sports Jokes One-Liner Jokes
When Chuck Norris goes to a BBL cricket game, he doesn't watch out for the big hits from the players, the big hits watch out for him!
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Sports Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
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Sports Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes
A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas.
One of the men on that trip won $100,000.
He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a. M.
He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it.
The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole.
He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute.
On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.
Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.
"You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to кill him!" he screamed at the professor.
The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."
The professor turned to the man with the gun and said,
"He's not going to tell you.
He said he'd rather die first."
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Sports Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
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Sports Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes
Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hеll.
Petrus says: You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you.
You may choose "heaven" or "hеll".
Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table.
Bill takes a look in hеll and sees really beautiful women, sеx, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling.
So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hеll!
Once in hеll, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire.
So Bill says : hey, what the hеll is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sеx?
The devil says:
'That was just a demo version."
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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes
Голфър: "Жена ми казва, че ако не спра да играя голф, ще ме напусне!" Кадито: "Сигурен съм, че ще ви липсва ужасно, сър!"
Golfer:
"My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!"
Caddy:
"I'm sure you will miss her terribly, sir!"
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Sports Jokes
Why is Cinderella such a bad football player?
Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
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Sports Jokes
Ο Κωστικας και ο Γιωρικας. Σ'ενα ψηλό βούνο Ορειβάτες Οι ορειβάτες Двама катерачи на Еверест. Единият се подхлъзва и пада, другият вика надолу Zwei Bergsteiger auf dem Weg nach oben. Jäh rutscht der eine aus, stürzt kopfüber in eine Gletscherspalte. "Hast du dir wehgetan, Kurt?" ruft ihm sein Freund nach. "Neeein!" "Wieso nicht?" "Ich fall noch." Klettern zwei Bergsteiger einen Gletscher hoch. Plötzlich stürzt einer ab. Ruft der andere: "Hey Schorsch, hast du dir wehgetan?" Darauf der erste: "Nein! Ich falle noch!" Ein Mann fällt plötzlich in eine tiefe Gletscherspalte. Seine Frau, ganz erschrocken, ruft ihm nach: "Ist alles in Ordnung. Geht es Dir gut?" "Ja, alles in Ordnung" "Bist du verletzt?" "Neeiiiin!"... Os dois amigos estão escalando uma montanha enorme quando, de repente, um deles pisa em falso e despenca lá de cima, desaparecendo no abismo. Imediatamente o outro contacta-o pelo walkie-talkie: —... Alpinista spada w przepaść. Koledzy krzyczą: - Piotr, żyjesz? - Żyję. - Ręce masz całe? - Całe. - Nogi masz całe? - Całe. - To wstawaj! - Nie mogę. Jeszcze lecę... Két hegymászó kalandozik a Himalája szikláin, mikor egyikük egy szakadékba esik. A társa utánakiált: - Nem ütötted meg magad? - Nem. - Kezed, lábad nem tört el? - Nem. - Akkor gyere, mássz ki és... Ήταν δύο ορειβάτες στον Όλυμπο και σκαρφάλωναν προς την κορυφή. Ξαφνικά ο ένας πέφτει και άλλος λέει: - "Ρε Δημήτρη έσπασες κανένα χέρι;" - "Όχι." - "Κανένα πόδι;" - "Όχι." - "Τότε γιατί φωνάζεις;"... Δύο Έλληνες πέσανε απο ένα γκρεμό. - Αυτός όπου ήταν πιο πάνω του φώναξε λέγοντας: Έσπασες κανένα χέρι; - Όχι του απαντάει Έσπασες κανένα πόδι; - Όχι του απαντάει. Έσπασες κανένα κεφάλι; - Όχι ρε...
Two alpinists on a mountain:
One of them falls in a сrаск, the other jumps at the hole and screams after the other one:
Are you hurt?
Noooooo! He hears.
How come?
I’m still fallinnnnnnn!
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Sports Jokes
Golfer:
"Well caddy, do you like my game?"
Caddy:
"Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
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Sports Jokes Golf jokes
There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team.
They drowned during spring training.
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Sports Jokes
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
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Sports Jokes
What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport?
Pool.
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Sports Jokes
Rugby player:
"Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?"
Doctor:
"I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
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Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.
The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
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Sports Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
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