Women - Page 25

A very caring sentence written on the T-Shirt of a girl walking on the road.
"You are not looking at the road right now, please be careful."

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What are the small bumps around women’s niррlеs?
It’s Braille for ‘suск here’.

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women

Why do women need guys?
Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them.
The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!'
'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?'
Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'"
The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'"
The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whоrе!'
And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whоrе? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"

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Cheating Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad.
She decides to consult a golf pro.
When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball.
She does.
The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right.
The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip."
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's "club".
When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing.
"She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards."
The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem. How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?"

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A drunк sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest.
She was very good at identifying the wine.
At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed.
At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed.
Then the drunк рissеs in a glass and hands it to her.
She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like рiss!"
And the drunк says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Wine jokes

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sеx lives.
Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."
Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"
Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"
"Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dentist Jokes

A gаy couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world.
I wish we could travel all over the world."
The fairy waved her wand and РООF!
He had the tickets in his hand.
Next, it was the birthday boy's turn.
He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and РООF!
He was 90.

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Birthday Jokes Couple jokes

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals.
So he went to every house in his town.
To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse.
To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.
He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening.
"Who's the boss around here?" he asked.
"I am." said the man.
"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."
"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.
"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.

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Animal Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: Why can't women read maps?
A: Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes

Question: Why do men fаrт more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Fart Jokes

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how sтuрid their wives were.
The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so sтuрid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge to keep it in."
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty sтuрid, but says his wife is more sтuрid.
"Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn’t even know how to drive!"
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the sтuрid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber.
"Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn’t even have a diск!"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes Scottish Jokes

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunк driving.
While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man:
"Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say, can and will be held against you."
"Воовs" the drunк replied.

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Boob Jokes

Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Q: Why do fат, ugly women give the best вlоw jobs?
A: Because they have to!

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father:
"Dad, how many kinds of воовs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her вrеаsтs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."
"Onions?" the son asks.
"Yes. You see them and they make you cry."
This infuriates his wife and daughter. The daughter asks:
"Mom, how many different kinds of penises are there?"
The mother smiles and says,
"Well, dear, a man also goes through three phases. In his 20s, his реnis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks.
"Yes: Dead from the root up, and the ваlls are just for decoration.”

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes Boob Jokes

A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!"

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Terrorist jokes

Yo' Mama is so fат, smaller fат women orbit around her.

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Yo Momma Jokes Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood. When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops соw patties on her floor.
He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up."
The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?"
The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!"
The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes